Unacceptable
by Dmfritsc
Summary: Sergeant Gia Rakton is a proud mother and soldier.  She's in the middle of her third deployment under First Sergeant William James.  Can she resist him and obey the rules?
1. Chapter 1: Welcome to Hell

I sat my duffel bag down on the dusty concrete beside me. It was time to go again. As hard as it was to leave my daughter and mother behind me, I wanted to go. My mother was desperate to understand why I was willing to be deployed again. She kept prodding me about going to college, getting a normal low level job like most people in their 20's when they are going to school… But to me, this job was a lot better compared to standing at a cash register all damn day just to earn 200 bucks a week. My daughter, Adriana, clung to my legs and squeezed. I put my hand on her dark haired head gingerly and patted her trying to keep the tears from running down my eyes.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Gia?" my mom asked staring right past my restrain. She was still beautiful in her mid-40's with her black hair starting to gray, her eyes still a warm color of honey. She was very solid and her face had the permanent markings of smile. My mouth pulled up into a slight smile.

"How far you think they'd wait to come hunt me down?" I asked jokingly. I could hear Adriana sobbing quietly. She was still in a death grip around my legs. "Aud, don't cry. Mommy will be back soon," I said in a reassuring voice. I knelt down to her level and held her small face in my hands. She rubbed her eyes frantically and started at me.

"Boys at school say you won't…" she trailed off. I shook my head.

"Boys are stupid, Aud. Has Mommy came back the last 2 times?" I asked calmly. She nodded and sniffled a few times. "Then why are you so worried now?" She shrugged and looked down at her feet. "Mommy will always come home, baby. I would fight the world to make it back to you. No one can keep me away from you. Not even God."

"You'll be back for my next birthday right?"

"Yes, I will."

"Because 7 is way more important than 6, Mommy. Because you promised next year I could ride the roller coaster at the park."

"Yes, baby." I kissed her cheek and picked her up to hug her tightly one last time. My mom hugged us both. "You better write to me every day. Tell me about boys, homework, Spongebob… I don't care… just write to me okay?" I could feel my emotions rising in my throat. It was that choking feeling when you know you are about to cry your eyes out. It burned like hell.

"Yes, Mommy." I sat her down and swallowed as hard as I could to put the feelings away. My mom hugged me tightly. I could smell her shampoo in her hair, the bacon she fried this morning, and I just closed my eyes to take it all in.

"We'll send you a care package in a couple of months," she whispered in my ear between sobs. "Just write back and send us pictures of your amazing tan." I smiled. She kissed me on the cheek and I kissed her back. I took a step back and smoothed back my dark brown bun.

"Will you take George with you?" Adriana asked me holding up her favorite sock money. He was purple with dingy white hands and feet. I smiled at her and held him up.

"Why don't you keep him, Aud? I'm sure he'll get really hot where I'm going and besides, who's he going to snuggle with at night?"

"You." I smiled and bent down to kiss her cheek.

"I would feel better if I knew he was watching over you with Mamaw." She took him from my hands and smiled. A bus pulled up behind me and I knew it was time to go. The driver honked the horn numerous times, putting everyone's goodbyes on hold. I watched as the other 20 soldiers paused and turned to look at the bus. An officer slowly climbed out onto the concrete and removed his sunglasses.

"Time to go," he said flatly looking around at all of us. I hoisted my duffel bag onto my back and reached down to kiss Adriana one more time.

"I love you, Mommy," she cooed.

"I love you too, baby. Be a good girl for Mamaw."

"I will." I turned to my mom and felt my eyes swell up again.

"I love you, mom," I muttered out, trying to hold it in.

"I love you too, angel. Be safe." I nodded and turned on my heel towards the bus.

"Bags under the bus, soldiers," the officer barked out as he put his sunglasses back on. I tossed my duffel bag in one of the bins and stood in the short line that had formed to get on. The officer had pulled out a clipboard and was highlighting people's names as they boarded. I wasn't interested in catching anyone's names, because everyone would be going somewhere different. "Name?" he asked when I stepped to him.

"Rakton, Gia." He highlighted my name and looked back to me.

"Welcome back, Sergeant." I nodded and climbed up the steps. I took the next available seat, next to a window a few rows back. I took notice of how little females there were. There were only two of us on the entire bus. I wasn't shocked, but I could already feel my senses heighten. Women have been scrutinized a lot about going into combat and being around large gaggles of men. I personally have never an issue. I maintain my emotions and make sure I don't draw attention to myself. Most men think of women as too emotionally unstable for combat. Each unit I had been in prior would all make the same jokes about me being too weak. I heard it all throughout boot camp. I heard the snickers and the snide comments. I proved them wrong each time. I wasn't like the rest of the women they had seen before. I wanted to fight, protect our country, and make the world safer for my daughter.

I was constantly asked why I chose the U.S. Army. It was simple. I had my daughter when I was 17 years old. I barely graduated high school. My dad died when I was young and going into the Army seemed like a good escape. Turns out it was. The pay was decent, decent for me, at least… I had a chance to travel and world and make it a better place. Can't do that working at a McDonalds. The Army also pays for school… which was something I desperately needed. Sure, I could have gotten Financial Aid and went to school for free, but I just felt so guilty going about it that way. I stared out of the window to watch my mom and daughter one last time. My mom was holding Adriana while they both cried. I felt the bus jerk and I watched them fade into the distance as we pulled away. I was going to be back. I was going to survive.

I landed my feet safely on the sandy hell soon enough. It was hotter than I remembered and bright as fuck. My skin immediately beaded up with sweat. I put my sunglasses on and walked out of the cargo hold into my safe haven. The place I could do the job I was actually good at: following orders, fixing wounds, killing, and fighting. I readjusted my duffel bag and waited for more orders. A General walked up to a small podium and gave orders. There were 50 new additions to Camp Independence that was already populated with 400 soldiers. We were given a quick rundown about where the mess hall, commissary, and rec rooms were. Women shared small rooms attached by a bathroom on the east part of the camp for safety reasons. Men were in bunks of 4, but some had the freedom of being in individual rooms if they were in a special squad or high enough rank. They all shared a few major bathrooms since there were more of them and they were less likely to be sexually attacked. Recruits of squads were released while the rest of the group, all 45 of them, had to stay behind for further instruction. An officer stood by an American flag waving a clipboard at the 5 of us who were a part of a special squad. "Rakton," he said my name in a short, angry voice, "you're to meet Team Havoc in the main hall, in room A5."

"Thank you, sir." I walked quickly across the sand. I missed that weird feeling of walking on sand. I swiped a streak of sweat off of my brow and removed my hat and sunglasses as I opened the door. Air conditioning rushed over my body. I felt relief. I was so happy to be in air conditioning even if it was only for a few minutes. I opened the door to A5 and took a look at my new squad. My new family for the next 12 months. A man was standing at the head of a podium. His blonde hair in a crew cut, his face clean shaven, jaw set, he looked me square in the eyes.

"Sergeant Rakton?" the man asked. His voice was rough. I gave a curt nod. "Sergeant William James of Team Havoc," he stated. I came to attention and saluted. He saluted back. "At ease, Rakton." The two men sitting in the plastic chairs looked me over. One was black with short hair and a small jaw. He looked meaner than a snake and just as easy to temper. His was face was unfriendly to me. The other seemed more timid, but it might have just been his baby face. He was a deep red, due to the sun. "This is Sergeant J.T. Sanborn and Specialist Owen Eldridge." I nodded at the both of them. Owen gave me a small smile and a nod while Sanborn just nodded and folded his arms over his chest. "Do you know what Team Havoc does, Rakton?"

"Team Havoc is a bomb squad, correct?" He nodded. "They disarm bombs, go on patrols, ensure the safety of others..." He held his hands up and stared out of the window.

"Good to know that you've done your homework. I'll be honest with you, I haven't led this unit before, but I am very experienced and have disarmed more bombs than the rest of these pricks out here. I'm not a tight ass either. I am not here to be leader of the year or any of that shit. But I'll keep your asses alive and I am damn good at what I do."

"Sounds good, sir."

"We'll all be serving out this rotation together. This rotation ends next June. I understand that's longer than the 12 months we planned on, but that's life out here. You should all know shit changes out here." That was going to make Adriana very unhappy. That was 2 months longer than I was originally told. I wasn't going to be home in time for her birthday, but at this point I didn't have a choice. Raising hell would get me nowhere and it's not like I could just take it upon myself to leave. Like walking through the desert is just like walking through a park or some shit like that. He lit a cigarette and brought his eyes back to mine. "Questions?"

"Where am I bunking, sir?"

"This way." He led me out of the main hall and to the right towards a few small connected rooms. They were all painted white and heavily scratched up from the sand. He opened a door numbered 0220. "Home sweet home." I walked inside and took a look around. There were heavy plywood boards over the windows for mortars and a full size mattress with a nightstand, desk, and two chairs. There were two industrial lights in the ceiling and a small door that led to the bathroom. It had a standard open shower, toilet, sink, and mirror with another industrial light in the ceiling. "Main hall is open all night, rec room and mess hall both close at midnight, and commissary is open all night." I nodded and sat my duffel bag down on the bed and took off my long sleeve BDU, revealing my standard green cotton t-shirt. "Want to gear up?"

"Yes, sir."

"I'll take you out to the garage." Sanborn and Eldridge slowly trudged up to where were and followed as they saw where we were headed. The garage was all the way on the opposite of the base from where my bunk was. It was a good quarter mile if not longer. There were 5 large garages all connected. It looked like an extremely large warehouse. My helmet, gun, 9mm, pack, belt, and bullet proof vest all sat together on the floor next to a Humvee. "This is our Humvee. It always sits here. This is where we all meet when we get a call and for basic patrol." He reached up into the cab of the Humvee and pulled out a radio with a large rubbery antenna. "Keep this on you at all times… while you're sleeping, taking a shit, playing air hockey, going for a run… I don't give a shit what you are doing… this radio is on you and turned on at all times. If I need you for whatever reason this is how I reach you." I nodded and added it to my pile. "Grab your shit and I'll show you where my bunk is in case you need me." I threw my helmet on and pulled on all of my gear, carrying my guns and radio. We walked through the large open space that was in front of the main hall and turned down in between two buildings equal to the entrance of the main hall. James patted a worn out door that read 0195. He turned and I was able to catch the color of his eyes. They were a beautiful hazel color. I know it's awkward to call your CO's eye color beautiful, but they just were, especially for a face like his. I hadn't seen him crack a smile since I had spoken to him. I snapped back to reality and nodded. "Dismissed. We'll start early tomorrow at 0700." I started to walk back to my room when Eldridge came running up beside me.

"Need any help?" he asked with a genuine smile.

"Nah, I got it, but thanks." He bowed his head and kept up pace with me.

"You like to play video games or anything?"

"Eh, a little, but no one really shows me how to play. They just let me watch."

"Well, I am looking for someone to play Call of Duty with, if you want me to show you how." I smiled and looked over at him. "How many times have you toured?"

"This is my third time. What about you?" I asked, feeling the weight of my gear dig into my hands and shoulders. I was regretting not accepting his help, but that's just what the other soldiers want to see a woman do. I could tell Eldridge didn't have any ulterior motives when he asked me, I just knew that there were eyes watching my every movement.

"This is my second run. I've been in since I was 18. I'll be 21 next month." I liked his attitude. He was friendly and seemed to be interested in becoming my friend. Being friends in the Army is deadly. After seeing enough combat, you become so close to your squad and they can be taken from you in an instant. I'll never get used to it. Over two tours, I've lost more than my fair share of friends.

"Congrats." I gave him a smile and dropped my gear outside of my door.

"Are you hungry?"

"I could definitely go for some actual food instead of rations."

"Put your shit up and let's go." I stuffed my gear just inside of my door and turned to walk with him. He had a large sweat ring around his shirt, as I did. I felt sticky and gross. I should have showered before I went anywhere, but Eldridge was persistent and I wasn't going to miss out on bonding time with a member of my squad. "I never get used to this heat." He opened the door to the main hall and the breeze blew over the both of us. I let out a long blow of air and felt the stickiness leave my lungs.

"You and me both." The main hall was mostly empty. I could hear guys playing a video game, some playing darts, and watching movies.

"They just started doing movie night out here a month or so ago according to one of my bunk mates. He said they play actual movies and none of that girl shit." I raised my eyebrows at him. His face completely changed from happy go lucky to extremely serious. He diverted his gaze and bit his lip. "I'm sorry, Sergeant. I meant you know –"

"Don't worry about it, Eldridge. I'm used to it. In fact, I prefer you forget I'm a woman and treat me like one of the guys. It's just easier for me. And it makes things less awkward for everyone." He smiled.

"That's a relief." We turned down a long hallway and then into the mess hall. "Can I be honest with you?" he asked compensating for the change in sound. There were a lot of people in the mess hall. There was a lot of talking and a lot of noise.

"Yes."

"I haven't been around many women in uniform, so you'll have to excuse me." I flashed him a warm smile.

"Don't think of me any differently. I am just like you. There's no need to worry." He bobbed his head and handed me a tray.

"Is that okay?" he asked after I took it from his hand.

"Just don't do it too much and we'll be fine." We made our way down the assembly line. There was the same old fruit, vegetables and meat I hadn't missed. I chose a cup of pineapple, a small baked potato and a pulled pork sandwich with a bottle of water. We sat at a table for four just beside a window looking out past a lot of fencing into the horizon where the sun was inching its way down. "You like being out here?" I made a gesture towards the sun as I took a drink of water. His shoulders heaved up and down.

"Sorta," he replied while hunching over his tray. He took a bite of the ravioli he picked out. "I mean-I like being out here-but I don't like all of the death."

"No one does."

"It just gets to me. I hate it."

"It doesn't get any easier," said a familiar voice. I turned to see James standing behind me holding a tray. He sat down across from me beside Eldridge and looked at me. "If anything it gets worse. I can't tell you how many men I've watch die before me."

"Comes with the job."

"If it didn't, it'd be perfect," Eldridge mumbled between a bite of food.

"Nothing's perfect, Eldridge," scoffed James. Eldridge made an indifferent face and shoveled down a few more bites of food. There was a large bang as a tray plopped down on the table beside me. I fought the urge to jump and looked up to see Sanborn standing beside me.

"Except for _you_, right?" Sanborn spat.

"Sanborn, I've missed your bullshit today." Eldridge smiled at me as James and Sanborn made the same eye contact you see between two duelists right before a fight.

"I'd watch your mouth, Sanborn. Respect your CO," I warned in my 'mommy voice.' My last tour was a lot of fun, I got a long with the other 4 members of my squad. We were a tight unit. They all became my best friends. They were all males of course and all of them joked that I sounded like a mom scolding a little boy when I got angry. It just sort of stuck. Anytime someone would do something wrong another guy would joke "look out, you don't want her to use her mommy voice." Sanborn rolled his eyes, picked his tray up, and walked away. "The hell is up with that?" I asked James. James shrugged and took a bite of his food.

"I don't give a fuck. That moody fuck means dirt to me. I haven't seen him do one thing on patrol besides bitch at me over my techniques."

"How many times have you guys been out without me?"

"Four," answered Eldridge. I nodded.

"I'll turn that shit around."

"Uh, no offense, Rakton, but aren't you two the same rank?"

"My job as a Sergeant is to set an example to privates and specialists, Eldridge. The more he fires his mouth off, the more you all will think it's okay and it's not. James has worked his ass off to earn the title he has. He deserves respect. I don't care how fucked up his methods are."


	2. Chapter 2: Trophies

I woke up early around 0600. The sky was just heating up. The sun hadn't crept up over the land yet, but the sky was a brilliant blue color. I took a quick shower. I had taken one before I went to sleep last night, but I needed another one to calm my hair down so I could slick it into a bun. I got out, dried myself off, pulled my hair back, brushed my teeth, and put a small amount of waterproof mascara. Mascara was the only make up allowed on base. Even then, it could only be used in sparse amounts. I pulled a fresh pair of BDU's on and laced my boots up. I made it a point to grab the radio before I left to go get breakfast. The line in the mess hall was long. My stomach growled at the smell of eggs, bacon, toast and coffee. I loaded my plate and grabbed the biggest mug of coffee manageable. Eldridge waved at me from a random table. James was sitting next to him reading through a few sheets of paper. His plate was empty, but his coffee mug was still steaming. Eldridge had barely touched his food. He greeted me with a kind good morning.

"Morning," I yawned back. I sat down like a weighted sack. I could feel my body hit the chair hard. I wasn't used to getting up this early the last couple of months. We sat quietly at the table. My eyes scanned around the room. I found Sanborn sitting two or three tables away with another squad. I didn't care. As far as I was concerned, he was going to show James respect if it was the last thing I did and if that meant he hardly spent any time with his own squad… I could have cared less.

"You ready?" asked Eldridge.

"Yes," I answered. James took his eyes off of his papers and peered over at me.

"If we don't get a call by the time we head out, we'll just do normal patrol," James told me.

"What's that like?"

"It's like shit." He returned to his papers and took a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, it's pretty boring to be honest," Eldridge added with a shrug. I knew patrols were never fun. Even when I was a part of an extraction squad the patrols were boring. A girl can hope for change though, right? Patrolling is a bunch of walking around with your gun out like you're overcompensating for your bad ass-ness, peering in bushes, looking in abandoned buildings, keeping the citizens in check, and watching for potential activity. It's a lot like glorified babysitting…. with guns. There was an audible beep from James side of the table. He picked up his radio and walked out of the mess hall to hear the call better. Eldridge and I both watched him carefully. He pointed at us both and motioned for us to come on. Sanborn got the message too, as I saw him move from the corner of my eyes. I jogged out of the building right behind Eldridge. I was thankful my bunk was close, but disappointed about the garage being on the other side of the damn base. I threw on my gear as quickly as humanly possible. With 50 more pounds of weight I ran across the base at a steady pace. The men came running up behind me. Eldridge opened the door for me at the Humvee and I gave him a disapproving glare. He mouthed a sorry and climbed into the back seat opposite me. Sanborn hopped in the driver's seat, James in the passenger seat.

"What's going on, Sergeant?" I asked James.

"Someone found a bomb sticking out of a pile of trash. There are quite a few of them, I guess. They've set up a perimeter and they're just waiting on us." It took us almost 45 minutes to get into the city. There was a small roadblock set up of 10 soldiers. They lifted up a small barricade they had set up to stop cars from plowing through the road and let us through. "How far down is the target?" James asked a private standing just outside of his window.

"About 200 yards or so."

"Head down about 100 yards, Sanborn," ordered James. Eldridge started getting his gear together. Double checking everything. "Rakton, I want you watching the area to our twelve and three o'clock. Eldridge, I want you to scan the area behind us. Sanborn, you've got from twelve o'clock to nine. Call out any strange activity. Understood?"

We replied in unison, "yes, sir." James immediately set to work on putting his gear on. I couldn't imagine how heavy and hot it was inside of it. 100 pounds of gear in this heat? And I thought that my gear at 50 pounds was heavy. I helped him flick his shield down and watched him walk down the narrow street. Little kids peered out of the windows as he walked by. Some men gathered on the roof just ahead of where he was walking.

"I've got a group of men on the roof just ahead," I rambled.

"None so far," added Eldridge. Sanborn took a moment before adding that he had two people on his side on a balcony. "How many are in your group, Rakton?"

"I can't tell. I might have to move in closer to take a look." I took a few careful steps closer and walked a bit out to see over the ledge of the roof. "Looks like there are 5."

"Just watch them," growled Sanborn.

"I am," I snipped back.

"How close are you to the target, James?" called out Sanborn. James didn't answer. "I asked you a question, sir?"

"I'll let you know when I'm there, cowboy." I thought I could hear Sanborn's teeth grind together from where I was standing. I scanned the apartments again, making sure I wasn't missing anything crucial. I wanted to make sure that this went smoothly, especially since it was my first mission with them. I didn't want the blame to be on me if this shit went south. I could already hear the horrible things they would say. A few minutes later James cleared that he was standing over the bomb. "This shit is going to take a while, there are at least three different bombs down here." A male popped up from out of nowhere at my 3 o'clock pacing anxiously.

"I've got a man pacing on the roof." Sanborn turned from his view to look at the man.

"Shoot if necessary. He's definitely suspicious."

"Everything okay out there?" James asked.

"We got it," I assured him. The man pulled a device out of his pocket and I panicked. "Man on roof has pulled out a device." I aimed my gun at him and yelled. "DROP IT NOW!" I screamed. The man peered down over the edge at me and smiled. He held up his cell phone and pointed at it. "DROP IT!" The man sneered. He went to use it again and I felt my heart race. I did the only thing I could… I fired. The bullets hit the concrete barrier he was standing close to causing bits of rock and dust to explode and fall around us. He panicked and dropped the cell phone over the ledge. Eldridge and Sanborn both turned their guns around in a hurry to see what was going on. The man on the roof started yelling out things in his native language. Probably about what a bitch I was and how I should burn in hell… all the sweet things you want to hear, you know? I waved him off and picked up his cell phone. It was shattered into three different pieces. "Hey, James, are cell phones that are used for det devices still salvageable in pieces?"

"Just hold onto it," he muttered. I put the pieces on top of the Humvee and returned to monitoring. "Done. Sanborn, radio for a removal squad." He turned back around and started walking towards us and the door beside me burst open. A man came out carrying a large metal bar. The same man who I had just shot at on the roof. He was pissed. He ran towards me with the bar in the air. I started to call for the squad's attention, but there just wasn't enough time. I put my gun up on my shoulder and charged at him, my head down and shoulder out. I knocked the guy to the ground and pinned him underneath me. Eldridge wrestled the bar out of the man's hands and pointed his gun at his head.

"You're a serious piece of shit," I yelled at the man. "Sanborn, radio for a translator and an extraction team. This fucker needs to be investigated or at least jailed for a while so he can learn some respect." James stopped just feet from the man and removed his helmet.

"Nice job, Rakton," he said motioning towards my prize. I felt like a cat who had just dragged a mouse to its owner.

"I put the cell phone pieces on the hood of the Humvee." He peeled the bomb suit off. There was a layer of sweat coating his face, hair, and arms. He picked up each piece and poured over it.

"I'll have to look over them in more detail back at the base." I nodded and removed myself from the man's back as the translator and extraction team showed up. I told the extraction team what had happened while the translator began furiously talking with the man.

"He was only calling his brother to tell him to come outside. His brother had never seen the bomb squad," the translator said, eyeballing me angrily. I shrugged it off.

"My squad's lives are more important than his." The translator started to call me a few choice words as I helped throw some gear into the back of the Humvee. "You know what's so funny, specialist," I spoke to the translator in a condescending tone, "is that none of the things you just called me are new news to me." I watched the specialist's shoulders rise and fall in fury. I could have sworn I heard the guys chuckle, but I was boiling hot mad. "Now go on and tell your superior all of what I just said and fuck off. That guy was suspicious and a potential threat to my team. Get your head out of your ass and think about what side you're on." I tracked the specialist as he slammed the door to his Humvee and sped off.

"I think I like working with a woman," sputtered Eldridge. I turned around to look at him and he just smiled. "I'm just saying…that was pretty awesome. Did anyone else think that was pretty awesome?" Sanborn nodded slightly. James had the bridge of his nose pinched between his index finger and thumb, his head bowed, trying to hide his smile.

"You've been called a dangerous bitch with no morals who is PMSing? " James asked me with a smile on his face.

"Not in that particular order, but yes."

"I thought you handled yourself very well, Sergeant."

"Thank you, sir."

We spent the rest of the day patrolling, looking inside buildings, walking down areas that were major targets for bombs, and driving to check points if they put out a call for help. Our day ended around 1800. As Sanborn pulled into base James turned to look at Eldridge and I. I could feel the grime over my body. It wasn't pleasant. I felt like I had sand in every crevice of my body. "You guys at my bunk tonight. We'll celebrate our first successful run as Team Havoc," he said while carefully balancing the cigarette in between his lips. "Be there at 2000." I pulled myself out of the Humvee as Sanborn parked. Sanborn and James immediately took off for their bunks. Eldridge had gear to pack away and ammo to restock. I helped him throw a new box of rations in the trunk and restock the water supply.

"Thanks," Eldridge huffed as he leaned up against the Humvee.

"No problem. I'll meet you at the mess hall in about half an hour or so. I've got to shower this shit off of me." He silently nodded. "Maybe you can show me how to play that game of your's before we meet up with James and Sanborn." His eyes lit up.

"That'd be great, Sergeant." I waved at him and slowly took off to my bunk. I took off my helmet and pack as I walked and carried them in my hands. I thought it would cool my head to take my helmet off, but I barely noticed a change in the heat. I turned the fan on full blast in my room and shook all of my gear out before setting it down. I hated having sand in my bunk. It was annoying to deal with outside, let alone in a place you're supposed to relax in. My undershirt was completely soaked in sweat. I threw it over my hamper to dry out and tossed the rest of my clothes over it. The shower was amazing. I actually turned the water on a cold setting. It felt amazing. Sand glided off my body and down the drain with the flow of the water.

I didn't take me too long to get ready. I turned on Bruno Mars on my mp3 player, took the time to rub some aloe on my burning skin and lotion on the parts that weren't burned. My clothing choice was a white t-shirt, dark gray sweatpants, and tennis shoes. There wasn't a wide variety of clothing accepted on base. If you were going to be out on the town and off duty you could wear civilian clothes, but on base, it was strictly prohibited. Even if civilian clothing was allowed, I would have been extremely cautious of what I was wearing. You don't want to put out the wrong vibe to the other guys on base. I pulled my hair into its bun and skipped the mascara.

Eldridge was waiting for me outside of the mess hall when I walked up. He was wearing cloth shorts and a t-shirt. The major skin color difference between his legs and arms looked hilarious. His arms were a crispy red/brown color while his legs were a light beige color. "I know this shit is pretty funny, right?" Eldridge asked motioning to his legs.

"Maybe we should start putting you out to sun bathe in between jobs," I said teasingly. He laughed as we headed inside. The line was shorter than breakfast, thankfully. I could feel my stomach grumbling relentlessly. I picked out beef stew with carrots, potatoes, and cornbread. Eldridge did too. We sat the same table we sat the night before by the window. "Hope this is as good as it looks." I picked up my spoon and took a bite. It wasn't amazing, but it was awful either.

"Not too bad," said Eldridge as pulled the spoon out of his mouth. We ate quietly. There wasn't much to talk about and I think he was just as hungry as I was. After we finished we took our trays up and walked out to the rec room. There were about 10 different televisions set up. Only two of them had gaming consoles. There were about 5 guys at one television watching some crude comedy at the farthest television. We sat down on the couch closest to us and Eldridge turned everything on. "Alright. It's really easy…" He gave me all of the directions for all of the buttons and handed me a controller. I nodded and took it from him. "We'll play on the same team first, so you can get a handle on it." I was really confused for the first five minutes, but I finally got a good grip on what I was doing and started killing more than dying. "See you're getting good." I sat the controller down and pointed to my watch.

"It's 2000."

"Alright. Nice job!" he told me with a smile. I smiled back.

"Thanks for showing me how to play."

"Willing to show anyone anytime. I get bored playing by myself." We both walked out across the sand. The sun was starting to set. There was a beautiful orange, yellow, red color to the sky. A few security lights flickered on as we walked out to James' bunk. I knocked on the door and waited for James to answer. Sanborn answered instead. He opened the door a little wider and let us in. James room was really plain. He didn't have any pictures on his wall. I had only been in my room a day and I had pictures taped up everywhere of Adriana, me, and my mom. There were empty and full alcohol bottles littering the large desk and table. He had a couch, bed, and a couple of chairs along with a nightstand. It seemed he didn't have any personal effects whatsoever.

"James went to get a chaser from commissary," said Sanborn as I sat down on the couch. Eldridge sat down at the table with Sanborn. "What have y'all been doing?"

"Playing Call of Duty," Eldridge answered. Sanborn shook his head.

"I can't believe you want to play a game about war in the middle of a war. That's crazy shit, man."

"It's fun. It keeps me from thinking about anything else."

"Fun my ass." The door opened and James stepped in carrying a large container of orange juice.

"Hope you bitches like orange juice with your vodka," James stated putting the orange juice down on his desk. He pulled out 4 double shot glasses and filled them up. He also pulled out red solo cups and filled them up with orange juice. We each walked over and picked up a shot glass and cup. "Here's to the best damn bomb squad in the desert," he cheered. We clanked our glasses together and chugged them quickly. The familiar burn tore through my throat and I waited a second before taking a drink of orange juice. I didn't want to hear the stereotypes about women not being able to handle hard liquor. Eldridge took a drink immediately after. James refilled our glasses and we all downed them at once. The second burn wasn't as bad as the first. I took a few good drinks of the orange juice and poured some vodka in with it. Eldridge did the same. James took a half of cup of vodka over to his bed and sat down. Sanborn stood at the desk and did another shot before sitting back down at the table with Eldridge.

"That shit is strong, sir," said Eldridge clearing up the silence.

"Best shit you can buy out here."

"It ain't doing shit yet," quipped Sanborn.

"Just wait, man." About five minutes later it started to hit everyone. I started to feel inhibited and invincible. I poured myself another shot and chased it with my mixed drink.

"You think that guy was really calling his brother?" I asked casually before carefully sitting back down on the couch with my drink. James turned on some rock music on his radio and turned to face me.

"No."

"I regret what I said earlier to you, man. This shit feels good," Sanborn sang as he sank deeper into the chair.

"Told you." James clapped his hands and pointed at Eldridge. "You want to arm wrestle, Eldridge?" He smiled and stared at James.

"Sure, sir." Sanborn scooted out of the way and let James sit down beside him across from Eldridge.

"You two are crazy," I said simply as I took another long drink from my cup. They both started grunting and carrying on as they locked hands. "Want to do another shot, Sanborn?" I held up my shot glass and he poured us both another shot.

"Fill us up, too," James ordered as he put Eldridge's hand to the table. He held his glass up. "Another toast, to the success that has to yet to come for Team Havoc." We all clanked our glasses together and chugged. Eldridge pumped his fists in the air and stood up.

"You and me, Sanborn," he said pointing at him.

"You and me, what, Eldridge?" he scoffed.

"We're gonna fight…" Sanborn shook his head.

"I don't wanna break your nails, son." James walked over and shoved Sanborn towards Eldridge.

"Get out there soldier. You've got a challenge."

"A challenge? You think Eldridge is a challenge? Why don't you fight him then?" Sanborn walked behind James and shoved him. James walked across from Eldridge and stood there.

"Show me what you got," he taunted, holding his arms out.

"I'll fight the beauty queen over here," Sanborn said looking at me.

"I'll beg your fucking pardon," I quipped.

"You heard me," he growled.

"Fucker, I do not play like that. You want beauty queen, I'll show you a beauty queen." I pulled my fist back and clocked him as hard as I could in the stomach. He fell backwards onto the floor and looked up at me with a glint of fear in his eyes. James and Eldridge both stopped to look and laugh.

"Sanborn, didn't you look up anything about Rakton before she got here?" James asked between laughs. "This girl killed three men in hand to hand combat." He held out a hand and helped Sanborn up off of the floor. "She's far from a beauty queen, as you put it…"

"Yeah, I see that now." He rose up and held out his hand for me to shake it. I shook his hand and nodded. "I know I don't need to worry with you on my side in combat. That's for damn sure."

"What about you, Sanborn, let's see what you got," James said walking in front of him with his arms raised. I sat down across from Eldridge and smiled.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about me asking you to arm wrestle. I'm good on getting my ass whipped today." I laughed and took a long swig of my drink.

"You're not as weak as you think you are, Eldridge. You've got to be confident. Most of it is mentality. At least it is for me." Sanborn punched James hard in the stomach. The force sent him flailing backwards into the wall. He laughed hysterically and stood up. They took turns exchanging punches while Eldridge and I talked.

"Did you really kill those guys with your bare hands?" he asked almost at a whisper.

"I had knives - I just didn't have a gun. I'm not a fucking beast or anything like that. I did what was necessary. You guys would all do it if one of us was being held captive. I wasn't going to let a member of my squad become a prisoner." He nodded and took a long drink.

"You want more?"

"Sure." He dodged Sanborn and James to grab the bottle off of the desk and filled up his glass and mine.

"Is it weird that alcohol starts to taste like water after a while?" I laughed.

"That just means you're wasted." He laughed and rubbed his head. The two boys wrestled each other senseless and finally both sat down. "You two finally wear yourselves out?" James patted his stomach and stared up at me.

"Yeah," he answered through a sigh. I looked beside him and saw a crate full of wires.

"What's that, James?" I motioned towards the crate on the ground. He slid over the black milk crate and held it up for us to see.

"Trophies."

"Trophies?" asked Sanborn peering in the box. "Looks like a bunch of bomb parts. Why the hell do you have a bunch of bomb parts in your fucking room?"

"They're all from missions. They're all different from each other. It's just- I don't know. I should have put it up before you guys got here." He diverted his gaze and stared at the crate. I could tell he was embarrassed or at least ashamed about someone finding his secret.

"No, it's not weird and you shouldn't be ashamed about it either. Let me see it," I assured him while giving a glare to Sanborn. I held out my hands and took the crate from him. I held up small rods and different colored wires. "These are awesome, James." I took a second to look at each one before handing them over for Eldridge to look at. He held each one carefully and squinted at it, inches from his face.

"Thank you."

"You don't think that shit's fucked up?" Sanborn asked in a condescending tone. I looked over at him. I felt my brow drop even farther.

"No, I don't. James disarms bombs for a living. He's good at it. He's saved hundreds, if not thousands of lives by clipping just these few wires. They're like his trophies. They're his accomplishments. What the fuck do you have to show for your accomplishments, Sanborn, besides a title and fucking patches on your BDU's?" He stared at me, his eyes blazing. I wasn't just taking a moment to put Sanborn in his place, I was also defending James. I understood why he did it. He kept them for sentiment. They meant something to him. While we looked at pieces of wires, he saw lives he had saved. He held onto them because they reminded him that he was actually worth something.

"I apologize, Sergeant," muttered Sanborn to James.

"No problem, Sanborn," James replied in a zoned out tone. I put the wires back in the crate and handed it to James. The clock on his desk read that it was midnight already. I felt it after looking at the time.

"I'm going to head back to my room. I need to get some sleep. Eldridge should too, he is long gone." I motioned to a dozing Eldridge. "Sanborn, you wanna help him to his bunk?" He gave me a curt nod and stood up to help him out. I opened the door for them and watched as Sanborn dragged Eldridge down a couple of units. James rose up from the floor and grabbed a cigarette.

"Want me to walk you back to your room?" he asked with a flick of his lighter. I shrugged.

"I'm not as drunk as what I was. I should be okay." He nodded and leaned against the doorframe.

"You know, you didn't have to do that."

"Do what?"

"Stick up for me like that." I turned from facing out to the pathway and looked to find James standing inches from my face. I backed away slowly, being careful to make sure I didn't trip down the wooden steps that led to his door.

"Well, I get it. There's no reason to bully anyone. Especially when we are all on the same side… that's just pathetic. He tries to take every jab he can at you. It's annoying as fuck." He smiled and took a long drag of his cigarette.

"It doesn't bother me too much. I'm used to dealing with pricks like Sanborn. After saving their asses enough times, they get over it."

"You know that shit's bad for you," I said out of nowhere, pointing to his cigarette. He gave me a big, wide smile.

"But, it feels so good."

"Just wait 'til you get emphysema and lung cancer."

"I'll take my chances."

"You already do that with more than cigarettes," I laughed.

"That's just how I am." I started to walk away and gave him a nod.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning, sir."

"Are you sure you don't want me to walk you back, Sergeant?"

"I'm fine. Don't worry about this beauty queen," I responded with a small beauty queen wave. He laughed and threw his cigarette out into the sand.

"Just trying to look out for my squad. I gotta keep an extra eye on them, especially when they're of the opposite sex." I raised my eyebrows at him. His face went stone cold and he rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean like I have to watch over you more, because of- well not because you're weak- but because you know…" I held my hand up.

"I understand. You don't have to say anything, sir." He smiled.

"See you tomorrow, Sergeant."

"Good night, sir.


	3. Chapter 3: Call of Duty

I couldn't stop thinking about what he had said on my walk back. Was he trying to be flirtatious just then or was it the alcohol talking? Surely it was the alcohol talking. The rules on romance on bases are very strict. Soldiers aren't allowed to be openly romantic with one another. It's pretty serious and the charges are pretty serious, too. Why had he been standing so close? Maybe he just didn't think I was going to turn into him… I rubbed the back of my head and looked up into the black starry sky. Sure, he was attractive, strong, brave, and amazing, but he was still my CO. That was just wrong. I put my thoughts aside and recalled how much I had to drink myself. It had been a long time since I had been seriously intimate with someone else besides from a one night stand here and there. I couldn't find anyone who would willingly date me for long periods of time with my job. Even if I did, it's not like I could trust the asshole to keep his dick in his pants before I even left American soil. I opened the door to my room and sat down on my bed. I took my clothes off, pulled the bun out of my hair and turned my radio on. "Rakton?" asked James through the radio. "Rakton, is your radio on?"

"Yes, sir," I answered pressing the button down. "Is everything okay? Is there a situation?"

"No, was just making sure you made it back okay."

"I'm fine. Just got in."

"Good."

"Thanks, but I told you I'd be fine."

"I'm sorry, I'm just not used to having a woman on my team. I don't know how this is supposed to work. I know you can handle yourself. I'm not trying to be a sexist asshole, but I just worry about you more in comparison to Eldridge and Sanborn. Not in like a sexual way either or romantic way… I just…" Foot in mouth syndrome was pretty common around these men. I understood that they were trying to respect my boundaries and keep from exploding, but I really appreciated their honesty.

"It's okay, sir. I understand. I'll see you in the morning, okay? I know it's not sexual or any of that. The other men in my other squads were like that. It like I was the little sister among a bunch of older brothers. I don't think anything differently of it."

"I'm glad. Over and out. Get some sleep, Sergeant." I rolled onto my side and turned the lights off. Before I could even take time to analyze our conversation, I was out.

Six months passed by and our team worked like a fully functioning unit. Sanborn was starting to treat James with more respect. I had actually learned how to beat Eldridge in Call of Duty. We had our weekly routines down. Sunday was our day off. Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were our days on patrol. Tuesday and Saturday were our days to train. We were always on call. We had runs all hours of the day. We had a few at 3 in the morning and some in the middle of eating lunch or dinner. It was just normal. There was a new round of troops that had just arrived for the other squads along with a steady flow of things to do all of the time. I was picking up some of the laundry in my room to take down to be washed when there was a knock on my door. I sat my duffel bag down and opened it up only to find Eldridge standing there. "What's up, Eldridge?" I asked leaving my door open for him to walk in.

"There's a movie playing tonight in the main hall. If you wanna go with us."

"Sure, what time does it start?"

"In an hour or two."

"That sounds good. Are they going to have popcorn like last month?" He shrugged.

"Are these new pictures of Adriana?" he asked curiously walking towards my wall of pictures.

"Yeah, I just got them today."

"So she did get an A on the project!" he exclaimed with a large smile on his face pointing to the picture my mom took of Adriana holding up her paper with a bright red A. Her face was bright and cheerful. She wrote a paper on why her mommy was a hero. She sent me a copy it a few weeks before the picture. I had it hanging on my wall, too.

"Yes, she did," I beamed with pride.

"Want some help with your laundry?" he asked gesturing to my two duffel bags.

"Nah, I got it. You hear anything about your dad?" Eldridge's dad was in the hospital for triple bypass surgery the last letter he received. James bought him a phone card so he could call home and get updates. We walked towards the main hall together, in unison, talking just like friends do.

"Yeah, he's great. They sent me a picture of him at home." He pulled a picture out of his side pocket and held it up for me to see. I stopped for a second and dropped my bags to hold it. There was a picture of an overweight man with a big smile on his face, holding both of his thumbs up. He had the same smile as Eldridge.

"That's great, Eldridge. I'm glad he's doing good. I was worried." I handed him the picture back and picked up my duffel bags.

"Look out, here comes the Vagina Squad," cackled a new soldier whose face I hadn't seen before. I dropped my duffel bags again in a heap and turned slowly on my heel. The man that said the comment was doubled over in laughter with one of his friends.

"That's mighty fucking hilarious," I spat while taking steps to get within arm's reach of them. "What's your name, private?" I asked putting my finger in his chest.

"If you're gonna touch me, babe, I'll show you where to put that hand." I felt my face turn to a shade of deep red.

"Watch your fucking piece of shit mouth," yelled a voice. I didn't have to turn around to see who it was. I already knew it was James. I heard his boots stomp across the sand and concrete. He shoved the guy to my left and put his finger up. "That's my XO, you dipstick mother fuckers." The guy on the left held his hands up defensively and stopped laughing.

"This bitch is your XO?" the private in front of me asked pointing at me with disgust.

"I wouldn't underestimate her, private. Your ass is asking for it," James warned.

"Aw, is she gonna rescind my invitation to the tea party?" he moaned. That was it. I pulled my fist back and punched him square in the face. While he was double over holding his face I put my knee in his stomach and pulled his feet out from under him. He fell to the ground with a hard thud.

"Tell me who your fucking CO is. Right fucking now, private," I ordered getting into the face of the man who was still standing. He held his hands up and looked down at me with fear in his eyes.

"Sergeant Aric Glenn, sir," he answered. I shoved him away and picked my duffel bags back up.

"That will teach you pathetic pieces of shit how to talk to fellow soldiers, regardless if they have vaginas or not," I growled storming through the main hall. I walked to the secretary sitting at a desk by a room outside of the rec room and slammed my hands down. "Tell me where to find Sergeant Aric Glenn. Right. Now." James walked into the room behind me and pulled my arms back gently.

"Relax, I'll find him and get this sorted out. Just sit down and I'll handle it, okay?" He walked me over to a waiting room area and sat me in the chair. Eldridge walked in while I was sitting down and sat down beside me. "Watch her, Eldridge. Make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. I know she's madder than hell, but she'll make things worse." Eldridge nodded and looked over at me.

"I'm sorry, Sergeant," he muttered under his breath. I put my duffel bags down between my feet and held my face in my hands, trying to shove my anger aside.

"It's alright," I sighed.

"I can't believe those idiots thought it was okay to talk to a woman like that. Even if you weren't a solider, would they have still talked to you like that out in public? That's just horrible." Eldridge patted my back and leaned in his chair. A few minutes later I heard an extremely belligerent James walking out of an office screaming his head off.

"If those little fucking boys even come within TWO FEET of another member of MY squad again, I'll beat them un-fucking-conscious myself. I HOPE you are listening to THAT, SERGEANT," he yelled at who I assumed was Sergeant Glenn. Sergeant Glenn said something I couldn't hear and James responded with, "Yeah, I hope you have a nice FUCKING day too, you insensitive prick." He slammed the door, walked over to us, and stood in front of us with his hands on his hips. "They aren't going to do anything, because you took it upon yourself to 'punish' him. This is absolute BULLSHIT."

"Well, you did say that next time we were gonna beat them unconscious, right?" Eldridge asked.

"You're fucking right. I did say that."

"Can't say we didn't warn them," I added with a smile. I looked up at both Eldridge and James who both returned my smile. James bent down and picked up my duffel bags and gestured for me to follow.

"Let's go get your laundry done." We walked through the hall with all eyes on us. It felt like one of those scenes from a movie when everyone is watching the "cool kids" walk down the hall. At least, that's how I felt in that moment. We stopped in the women's laundry room and James handed me my duffel bags. I put three loads into three different machines and walked out to join them in the hallway.

"I think you handled that far better than I would have," I said breaking the silence.

"I can't have you being detained, because of a bunch of fucking morons. I can't believe he said that to you," James said shaking his head. "We've been here for four months without so much as a peep from anyone about your sex and now that we have a new group of soldiers…" He stopped talking and stared at his feet. Eldridge was fiddling with a strap on his belt. I looked around the hallway at the different posters and signs on the walls.

"I don't think I want watch the movie tonight…" I trailed off looking at the schedule on the bulletin board across from me.

"Don't let those asshole dictate what you do and do not do."

"Yeah, Sergeant. If anything it'll be more humiliating for you to be in the same room as them," Eldridge chimed with a big smile.

"I just feel like drinking tonight. You guys can still go watch the movie. I'll just drink."

"I don't really feel like watching a movie tonight either. Mind if I join you, Rakton?" James asked me.

"Sure. I bought a bottle of Jack from commissary. It was the last one."

"I don't remember when the last time I had Jack was." We looked out of the window and down the corridor. "What are you gonna do, Eldridge?"

"I was really hoping to see this movie, man. I've been waiting all month for it. Sanborn has, too."

"No problem. I think Rakton and I will be doing enough drinking for four people tonight."

It was 30 minutes before James was supposed to be at my room and I was nervous. For what reason why, I don't know, but I was fucking nervous. I paced the floor a few times and checked and rechecked to make sure that my room was clean. I felt pretty pathetic. They had all been in my room numerous times before, why should this have been any different? Maybe it was because I had never actually drank alone with just one of them before… or maybe it was because I knew I was still crushing on James. I looked at myself in the mirror. Same old mascara. Same old stupid bun. Same khaki colored shirt with my camo pants on. Same old me. There was nothing different. So I shouldn't act different. He was just coming by to drink. We'd laugh, talk about the same old shit, get drunk, and he'd leave. I took the time to write my daughter a letter while I still had the chance. I turned my mp3 on shuffle and let the music fill the room. I didn't realize I had been writing for 30 minutes until James knocked on the door. "Come in," I yelled. The door opened and James walked in holding cups, shot glasses, a bag of two liters and a bottle of rum.

"I brought these just in case." He sat them on the desk and looked over at the new pictures Eldridge had commented on earlier. "Smart girl, she did ace that paper," James said with a smile as he stared intently on the image.

"I know," I said over the music as I poured us each a shot. "Have you gotten any letters from your dad yet?" I turned to hand him his shot. He shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not worried, but thanks." He smiled and chugged his shot. "I'm used to it. The last two tours I've been on I haven't gotten one piece of mail."

"That makes me feel spoiled." He shrugged.

"You have a daughter and a mother that care about you a lot. Of course, they are going to send you letters every week. I don't have anyone besides my dad."

"I thought you said you were married at one point…"

"Yeah, but she doesn't care about me. She divorced me, because I was constantly gone and 'distant.' I haven't heard from her in over 5 years." I poured us both another shot.

"Here's to being married to the Army," I said with a smile. He smiled and hit my glass.

"Feels like that, doesn't it?"

"Well I'm pretty sure that's what the men I dated during my leave would say."

"The men you dated during leave?" He cocked his eyebrow up at me. "What kind of men?"

"Obviously not real men or they'd be sending me letters today."

"I don't see why any man would pass a woman who is into guns, cussing, drinking, bombs, and can handle her shit in any situation."

"Oh, they are fine with that, just as long as I am in the same state." He shook his head and poured us both another shot.

"Fuck the idiots," he said holding up his glass. I knocked mine against his and sat down on my bed. He sat down at my desk. "Writing a letter to Adriana?"

"Yeah."

"Mind if I write one to her?"

"No, go ahead. She'll be excited to get a letter from someone else." He wrote furiously. I poured some Jack and Coke into a cup and sat back down, watching him write from the bed. He stuffed the letter into an envelope and sealed it up. He wrote his information on the corner for her to send a letter back to him and sat it on the desk.

"This letter is strictly for Adriana," he told me, pointing at it. "I'll leave it to you to put the address on it, but I trust you not to peek at it." He poured some Jack and Coke into a cup and took a long drink.

"If you were offered a desk job for a title, would you take it?" I asked, pulling at some thread on my comforter. I had been thinking a lot about different jobs in the Army recently. I had been hearing chatter and rumors throughout that James and Sanborn were both tired of working in the field and had been asking for desk jobs. I knew it wasn't true, but a girl's gotta ask. I was mainly concerned with what that would mean for the future and if that would at all open up any opportunities between us.

"Hell no. I can't imagine sitting at a desk all day, filling out paperwork, kissing ass, and never seeing any action. I would get too bored. I'd break like the guy in Office Space." I laughed. "I'm dead serious. I would turn crazy."

"Good to know. I was really hoping that we would all be on the same squad next tour. I really like being around you guys."

"Me too. I was actually going to start planning the next tour. I just haven't had a chance to ask everyone yet. This is probably the most fun I have had in a long time out here." A couple of drinks in I could feel my skin crawl with heat. I turned the fan on and excused myself to put on a pair of shorts. When I came back out, he had taken his shirt off and was flipping through some of the magazines I had stacked up on my table. I tried to keep my eyes from looking too much, but it was too damn hard. I took another shot and looked at the tattoos he had on his back. "Cosmopolitan?" he asked, holding it up with a cheeky smile. I walked over and took the magazine from him before stuffing it under my bed.

"I forgot that was out."

"I didn't know you needed sex tips out here in the desert."

"I read it to feel like a woman every once in a while. It's nice to have some normalcy. As much as I act like a man around here, there is still a fully functioning female under here, James."

"I don't treat you like a guy." I rolled my eyes at him and took a drink.

"You may not treat me like one all of the time, but I have to act like one outside of these walls." He nodded and took another shot.

"Can I be honest with you?"

"I hope you're honest with me all of the time, but sure. I hope you guys know me well enough to know that you can talk to me without being worried about offending me…"

"I was really worried when they told me a female would be joining my squad. I kept thinking of scenarios of you flipping out and going all full raging period on us. I was afraid you'd be this huge bitch and we'd all hate your ass and never hang out around you. I was also afraid you'd be one of those needy, whiny girls. I was really, really, really, afraid of that." I laughed and refilled my drink.

"Pleasantly surprised with the results, then I take it?" He smiled and nodded.

"I am extremely pleased and surprised. Most women aren't like you, Rakton. That's for damn sure." I returned his smile and sat back down to drink. "How is it being a mom out here, so far away from your little one?" He gestured towards Adriana's pictures on my wall.

"It's painful. It's a struggle for me some days. I haven't heard her voice since I left. I miss her like hell. That's why I have this lovely collage going on over here," I pointed my hand behind me to the cluster fuck of pictures and letters.

"I think it's sweet. You get to see her face every morning." He stood up and looked at each one of the pictures. "I don't think I've seen this one before," he said pointing to one at the far end of the wall. I stood up to look at the one he was pointing to. It was taken a couple of weeks before my deployment. Adriana and I were at the zoo. My hair was down and curly, I had on make-up, and a sundress. Adriana was dressed the same.

"Oh yeah…" I smiled. "She insisted that we go to the zoo one last time. She wanted to feed the giraffes and pet the sharks." James smiled.

"Insisted?"

"She's a little bit like her mom."

"A little?" He leaned in closer to the picture and squinted. "I'd say she's a lot like her mom."

"Fortunately, yes."

"I think your daughter is lucky she got so many traits from you."

"Yeah, I'm a lucky momma until we get into an argument. Then it's rough"

"I can imagine…" He turned to face me and was inches away from me, again. I swallowed hard and turned my face down away from his. I backed away slowly and sat down on the edge of my bed.

"Why don't you call her?"

"I don't have the money. Phone cards are what, 50 dollars? I can't afford that. I spend 30 a week and the rest of my check goes straight to my mom." He reached into his pants pocket, pulled out a minutes card, and tossed it beside me.

"It's got about 30 minutes left on it. I want you to call her tomorrow."

"James, I can't-"

"Take the card, Sergeant. You'll put it to better use than I have."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." He walked over to my mp3 and started playing with some of genres and artists I had listed. "Rap? I didn't know you liked rap."

"I like all types of music, if you can't see by that list." I took a shot and felt myself start slip behind the restrictions of my everyday military life. I started to feel vulnerable, free, and open. It was pleasant and I actually felt safe. I took one more shot to ensure complete freedom and peered around his shoulder to see what he was flipping through. "Here let me see it," I said taking it from his hands. He took a couple of shots of his own while I set the mp3 player to a random dance song. He picked it back up and started flipping through my lists again. I started dancing slightly. The drunk dancing woman was one stereotype I couldn't contain.

"Pictures? You have pictures on your mp3?"

"Yeah."

"Let's have a look."

"Go ahead, I don't have anything to hide, sir." I watched his face turn a red shade as he turned the mp3 around for me to get a nice look at myself in a bikini standing beside the ocean.

"I see that. Let's see what else you have on this bad boy." He started flipping more pictures. The next one he found was me with my hair down, wearing a towel, after just getting out of the shower. My mom had taken it to show how tan I was after I returned from my last deployment.

"Okay, I think that's enough exposure for one day." I reached out to grab it and he let me take it from his hands.

"I didn't know you were that built. I see you in baggy clothes all day. I mean, I knew you weren't fat, I just didn't know you were that developed in your midsection and other areas…"

"Other areas, huh?" I laughed. "You just spent the last couple of minutes looking at pictures of me in my bikini and you can't even say ass, Sergeant?" His face turned a slight shade of red again. "I believe you're blushing, sir." He smiled and looked into my eyes.

"No, that's just my sunburn."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." His radio chirped below him. He held his finger up and reached down to grab his radio from under his chair.

"This is Sergeant James, over," he said holding down the button.

"Sergeant, this is Sergeant Mays at Alpha Post, we have a major problem down here, sir. We need you and your team, immediately," responded the voice on the other end of the radio. I could hear screaming and crying in the background.


	4. Chapter 4: The Stud

"Copy that. Be there soon, Sergeant," he spoke looking into my eyes. "This will continue when we get back. Let's go take care of business first." I started pulling on my BDU's and gear while he left my room. My heart was thumping a million miles an hour in my chest. What in the hell was going on? Were we just flirting? I pulled my helmet down over my head and buckled the straps. Is drinking around him without the other guys such a good idea? This was what I wanted and now I was recalling of the bad things if this was to continue. Did he feel the same way or was he testing me? What did all of this mean? I grabbed my gun from beside my doorway and took off running to the garage. Eldridge and Sanborn blasted past me at full speed.

"You two gonna be alright on a mission?" Sanborn yelled as he ran between two units.

"We're fine, Sanborn, just get ready," I yelled back. James was already at the garage when I got there. He was fiddling with his straps. He was angry about something. I could tell by the set of his jaw, the color of his face and his lack of conversation. "Are you okay?" I asked, taking the straps out of his hands to clip them together.

"I'm alright," he answered looking me in the eyes. "Just a little disappointed, I'll get over it."

"Disappointed?"

"It's nothing," he warned.

"Ready, sir," Eldridge said hopping into the Humvee. I climbed in as James and Sanborn did.

Streets are busy during the day, but it's the complete opposite at night. It was almost 2300. We pulled up on a roadblock at the Alpha Post. There were 5 privates standing around, looking worried. "Stop here," James ordered. We climbed out of the cab and walked up to the soldiers. "Where's your Sergeant?"

"Over there," one of the privates answered, pointing to Sergeant Mays who was talking to a translator in a hushed, hurried tone.

"You three stay here," he pointed to us and walked over to Sergeant Mays.

"What do you think is going on?" Eldridge asked through a whisper. I shook my head and kept my eyes on James to see if I could get any information on how this was going to go. James started shaking his head and rubbing his eyes. He looked over at me in disbelief, then nodded his head. We gathered ourselves and watched him walk back over.

"There's a large bomb in the basement of this apartment building. There are some 'suicide bombers' holding it hostage. There are also men in the building keeping people inside on the top floor. I am going to need a lot of help. I am going to need all of you to trust me." Sanborn looked up at the sky and nodded solemnly. "I wouldn't ask you unless it was absolutely necessary. I just need the men killed and a perimeter set up to make sure no other fool tries to mess with me. We don't know if they can communicate or not."

"Why would they go through all of this just to blow up a building?" I asked calmly. "Why not do it already?"

"They're hoping we'll storm the place so they can take out as many of us as possible," Sanborn answered.

"I got the ones in the basement," I blurted, pulling off my gun and grabbing a large utility knife from the Humvee. I helped zip James up in the bomb suit with Sanborn. I looked in James' eyes as I put his helmet over his head. He gave me a sly wink as I pulled his collar up which was almost to send me into a full-fledged smile, but I refrained and smirked instead. The alcohol was still coursing through my veins. I could feel it. I was little slow on my reactions, but I had enough muscle and mind left to kill a few mother fuckers.

"It's probably safer if I go down and clear it out, then you send everyone in. Just in case the building does go or they find out what's happening," I said mulling over my options. I checked the ammo in my 9mm and looked up.

"I'm not going to send you in there on a suicide mission," James said sternly looking me in the face.

"I'd much rather one person die than the entire squad. I think it makes a lot more sense to do it this way."

"You're probably right." He called the men over and told them the plan. I was going to go into the basement and clean it out. Then James would come down with Sanborn to disarm the bomb. Eldridge was going to guard the entry to the basement. The unit of privates would go in after we were done to clear out the building.

I had to sneak into the doorway in a way that wouldn't obvious if insurgents were watching from the windows. I walked across the street and snuck along the building under the overhang where they wouldn't be able to see me. I wielded the knife and descended down the steps into the basement. I felt like a big jingle ball walking down the stairs with my gear on. I held a few of my clips in my hands as I made my way down the second set of stairs. I could hear a man shuffling just around the corner. I gathered my breath and slowly released. Now or never. I reached around the corner quickly and grabbed the man's mouth. I turned him around quickly to pull the knife across his throat. He turned into dead weight immediately. It took every ounce of muscle in my body to lay him gently on the ground. Footsteps came from the top of the stairwell and I ducked behind the corner. I wiped the blood off onto my BDU's and tipped a small mirror up at eye level to see who was coming. It was another insurgent. I pulled the knife back down to my side and felt my adrenaline surge through me. His foot hit the last step. I swung the blade into his throat and caught him before laying him on the ground beside the other man.

I quickly snuck through another corridor. How many more were there? The blade was bloody again. I wiped it across my BDU again and reminded myself to wipe it off on the next victim. Sure, my BDU's were already ruined, but I couldn't justify getting myself drenched in blood. I crouched down beside the next corner and tilted the mirror around it again just right to get a good view. The next guy was a good foot or two away from the corner. There was no way I could flash around the corner to get him in enough time. I pulled a pen out of my pocket and decided there was no other way than to distract him. I took a deep, long breath and dropped the pen to the ground. It sounded like a bomb going off. I got up to my knees as the footsteps drew closer. I swung my body around behind the man and stuck my knife into the middle of his throat and pulled as far as I could. He made a slight gagging noise, but it wasn't loud enough to cause alarm. I laid him down quietly and took another second to catch my breath. I was anxious, nervous, and scared out of my mind. I had never taken on men with guns before without a gun. I was deathly afraid that a gun would cause mass panic and they would blow the bomb up with me still inside. I didn't want to die today. I couldn't. I wasn't going to let it happen.

I wiped the knife off on the dead man below me then tip-toed down another corridor. I neared another corner and put my mirror once again. There were two of them guarding the entrance to the bomb. I could see it just behind them on the table. I cursed breathlessly. One wasn't an issue, but two with AK-47's was definitely going to pose an issue. I wasn't going to slowly climb up the stairs defeated. I needed another plan. I held my knife free hand against my head and thought. The pen thing worked. If I made another distraction, maybe only one would come down the hallway. I could slice him up and shoot the other one directly in the head. Surely, shooting at a range of 5 feet, directly in the head wouldn't cause any disturbance to the bomb. I pondered different situations, each one coming out as bad as the next one.

I couldn't let my team down. They were counting on me. I wasn't going to let any soldier out there die today. I pulled a coin out of my pocket and dropped it on the ground. Both of them started walking down the hallway. Just my fucking luck. I shut my eyes and thought for a second. I heard them drawing closer. I clutched my knife tightly in my hand before kicking the man on the left in the throat. I pulled out my 9mm and shot the man to my right straight against the temple. I was praying it hadn't been loud enough for the people in the apartment to hear. The man I kicked in the throat had dropped his gun to pull out his own knife. He grinned wickedly at me. I didn't know why I always had to fight the fucked up mother fuckers. I gripped my knife even tighter as he backed up, trying to inch closer to the bomb. I leapt at him and tried kicking the knife out of his hands. I failed miserably. He drew the knife down my right leg. I felt my skin pull apart. It wasn't deep, nothing more than a cat scratch. I had my BDU's to thank for that. I pulled my elbow back to beat him in the face. He dropped the knife to grab at his face as I stabbed the knife into the side of his neck. He fell to the ground lifelessly with a loud thud.

Judging by the lack of footsteps storming the stairways, no one had heard me shoot the man with my gun. I wiped my knife off on the man's shirt and searched the room where the bomb was to make sure that there weren't any more corridors or hiding spots. It was all clear. I made my way up the steps. I walked along the overhang guarded by shadows, so I wouldn't draw any attention to myself, in case they were watching from the windows to detonate. James stared at me with wide eyes. His face turned a pale color. I limped a little, but only because the scratch had become irritated. I gave him a small wave of my hand. Eldridge looked like I had just woken up from my death. Sanborn pulled out the med kit. Another unit had arrived behind us to help out. I walked out along the side walk as if I just joined the group and sat on the gate of the Humvee. Sanborn, Eldridge, and James rushed to where I sat and hovered me.

"Where are you hit?" Sanborn asked hurriedly, pulling out gauze, scissors, tape, and a bunch of disinfectant.

"I'm not hit, fool. It's their blood. I have a small scratch on my leg, now that I cleared that mess out for you, will you just get the fuck inside?" James smiled.

"Will do, Sergeant," he told me before disappearing into the basement with Sanborn and Eldridge. I was more nervous than I was for myself. I got down off of the Humvee and stood up. Without even thinking twice I grabbed my assault rifle and ran down the stairs. I couldn't sit out there and do nothing while my team was inside. I just couldn't wait around and not help solve the problem.

"Where are you going?" Eldridge asked as I zoomed past him.

"Going to be an extra set of eyes." I hurried down the steps. "It's just Rakton," I said in a normal tone to make sure Sanborn didn't shoot me or do anything drastic when I came around the corner.

"What are you doing, Rakton?" Sanborn asked in an irritated tone.

"It's good to see you too, Sanborn," I joked coming around the corner. James was huddled over the bomb, working fast. I watched as he separated wires from wires and clipped one or two, before sorting through them again.

"There's a lot of switches in this bad boy. They were ready for anything," James mumbled. Since there were no other corridors to the room I knew they would be safe with Sanborn at the entryway.

"I'll head back up and guard the stairs with Eldridge." I made my way up the stairs and expected to find Eldridge standing there, nervously fiddling with his gun. He wasn't. My heart sank through the floor. I raised my gun when I heard a scuffle from down the hallway. I threw my gun onto my shoulder, pulled my knife out again and jumped around the corner like a cat. I grabbed the insurgent that had Eldridge and pulled my knife along his neck from ear to ear. Eldridge looked up at me, his eyes as wide as saucers.

"Thank you, sir," he stuttered.

"Anytime," I replied. I held my hand out to him and yanked him up off the floor with ease. We stood back by the door when I heard a couple of footsteps descend from the area we had just left. "Get ready," I whispered. James walked up behind me just as the insurgents came out from around the corner. I opened fire on both of them and blocked James and Sanborn from walking out. I didn't have to worry about a bomb exploding and could use my gun as much as I wanted. After the men were dead I walked with them out to the group of soldiers that had rallied outside. I helped James take his helmet off as we walked to our Humvee. A squad of 5 to 7 soldiers rushed into the building to finish flushing it out, while two men went down to retrieve the bomb.

"That was excellent work, Sergeant Rakton," James breathed. I handed him a bottle of water and helped pull off his chest piece.

"Thank you. Same to you." He was drenched in sweat.

We returned to base in an hour. It was almost one thirty in the morning. I helped toss some gear around with Eldridge when I knew I definitely needed to go lay down. I slumped back to my room and took a quick shower. I had pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a work out shirt to sleep in. Surely James wouldn't be back down with it being this late and the night we just had. I whipped my hair into it's bun, turned my radio on, and laid down. I didn't read too much into it. It was late and we had just had a hell of a night.

When I woke up I was thanking God it was Sunday. No training. No patrolling. I pulled myself out of bed and shoved a pair of tennis shoes on. I had no idea what time it was. I stumbled out of my bunker and made my way to the mess hall. It was almost 1000. I grabbed a muffin, water, and an orange. There was a bit more of a sting in my right leg when I walked. I shrugged it off and sat down on the steps outside of my room to eat my muffin and orange. I loved to eat oranges, but hated the god awful smell when it stuck around your room for days.

"Morning, Sergeant," James said approaching me from the main hall. He had on his BDU pants, boots, shirt, and hat. Even on his day off.

"Morning," I replied lazily.

"How's that leg?" I moved it around a little to show him it was still functioning.

"Just a little sore today."

"Have you been to the med bay yet?" I shook my head and took a swig of water.

"We need to get it checked out. Come on, I'll go with you." I rose from the steps and followed him back into the main hall. The med bay was at the back of the main hall. There were two other in the bay waiting for attention. One with a bloody scratch down his arm he got in the middle of a training exercise, the other was complaining of his stomach hurting. The medic called me back behind a curtain and instructed to me to get on the bed.

"Any fever?" he asked holding his stethoscope on my back.

"No."

"Any swelling around the wound?"

"No."

"Does it hurt to walk?"

"A little, but that's just because of where it is on my leg."

"I'll need you to remove your pants. Sergeant James, you'll need to step back behind the curtain, please." James went around the curtain while I dropped my pants and laid back down on the bed. The medic put on gloves and looked over my wound. It was a long scratch from the middle of my thigh down to almost the middle of my calf. "It's not deep enough for stitches fortunately." I breathed a sigh of relief. "I'll give you some bacitracin and a few rolls of gauze to put over it. Just some cautionary measures to make sure it doesn't get infected. I'll also give you a bottle of inflammatory medication to deal with the sting when you walk."

"Thank you."

"No problem," he said rubbing some bacitracin onto my scratch. He rolled my leg in fresh, white gauze and instructed me to put my pants back on. He handed me a bottle of Ibuprofen and sent me on my way.

"No war wounds for you yet," James teased as we walked through the main hall.

"Damn, I was really hoping I'd have a big ass scar down my leg for life," I cursed while snapping my fingers. He laughed. "What are you doing today?" I asked as we walked back to my room.

"Well, I was hoping to get a rain check on last night, but if you're not feeling up to it, I understand."

"Sure, you want to meet later this evening? Say 2000?"

"Sounds good. Have you called your daughter yet?" I shook my head. It was late out in Illinois. No need to wake Adriana up. "I want you to do that today, Rakton."

"I know, sir."

"I'll see you at 2000," he said walking away casually.

At 1900 I decided I'd go call my daughter. It would be at least 1100 there and I knew Adriana would be up. I grabbed the minutes card and went to the main hall. Inside a small room were 5 payphones with small stools. "Hello?" my mom answered. She sounded out of breath.

"Hey mom," I said feeling the overwhelming joy wash over me. I missed her and Adriana like crazy.

"Oh my god!" she yelled into the phone. "Gia!" I laughed.

"Yes, mom."

"Hold on, I'll get Adriana. ADRIANA! It's Mommy!" my mom yelled.

"MOMMY?" she screamed. I heard them both laugh hysterically. I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "Oh my god, mommy. How were you able to call us?"

"Mommy's CO gave her a minutes card to call home today."

"Is your CO that hunk you've been sending us pictures of?" my mom asked coyly. My face became a poster for pure embarrassment.

"Yes," I answered.

"He's so hot, Gia! And he sounds like a keeper from what you've written in your letters. Have you kissed him yet?"

"Mom… you know that's not going to happen. It's not allowed to happen. It's completely unacceptable."

"Sometimes you can't fight fate, honey." I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "And there's always time to get friendly during leave." I could tell what she meant by friendly in her tone. "You told me he doesn't have any family right?"

"No."

"That's so horrible. Tell him he has to come visit on leave."

"I will, mom."

"I'm serious," she warned in her mommy voice.

"Yes, ma'am. Now someone better tell me about what's been going on the last 24 hours," I ordered.

"We went out for ice cream last night and picked up my Halloween costume," Adriana chirped. That's right, Halloween… it was in a week. "I'm going to be a soldier like you, mommy."

"Again?" I asked with a grin. She had been a soldier the last 3 years. She spent the whole day in her outfit walking around calling everyone sir, saluting everyone, it was too damn cute.

"Yes!"

"No fairy or princess for you, sweetie."

"Yuck, no, mommy. They aren't cool." I shook my head. My little tomboy.

"No crushes on any boys at school, yet?"

"No."

"Yes," my mom interrupted. "There's a boy that just moved in next door named Benjamin. Adriana has become quite…"

"Mamaw!" yelled Adriana. "Not now, I wrote it to mommy in a letter," she warned.

"Well, I'm sorry, dear. I won't say any more about it then. Are you getting our letters and pictures okay?"

"Yes, mom."

"Missions, okay? No wounds still?"

"Actually…" I trailed off and filled her in on our situation last night. Adriana and my mom were both deadly silent as I talked about what happened. I made sure to leave out the killing part. I just told them the men 'went to sleep.' We talked more about what was happening on that side of the world when I peered up at the clock. I only had a few more minutes left. "Well, I love you both, but my time is coming to end."

"No," Adriana whined.

"I'm sorry, baby. I could only talk for 30 minutes."

"Mommy, I miss you." My eyes filled with tears. "I miss you a lot."

"I miss you, too. I miss you and Mamaw like crazy. Take care of Mamaw for me, I love you."

"I love you, mommy."

"Gia, please take care of yourself. I love you so much, sweetheart. Thank you for all you do. You don't get enough recognition."

"I love you, too, mom. I'll try to call again soon." I hung up the phone and covered my face with my hands. I tried to stifle my crying by clearing my throat a few times, but I was unsuccessful. My body shuddered as the tears fell. What kind of mother was I to leave my daughter alone? I knew I was out here keeping her safe, but what damage would this do to her later? Did she know that I loved her? I couldn't stop myself from signing up for tours. I loved doing this, too. The pay helped take care of her. She would understand one day. I just wanted to hold her, tell her I was trying to make the world a better place. I didn't want her to live in a world of fear. I wiped my eyes and breathed in deeply a few times. I made my walk back to my room, keeping my head low to avoid eye contact with anyone. James was waiting outside of my room when I got back. He was sitting on the steps smoking a cigarette.

"You okay?" he asked as I stared at the ground, trying to avoid his eyes.

"I'm fine," I answered in a muffled voice.

"Did you call your daughter?" I nodded, feeling the tears sink back in. "Let's get you inside." He opened the door while looking around to make sure no one had been walking by to notice my crying. I walked in and sat in a chair in the corner. "I'm sorry if that was a bad idea." He closed the door and sat on the chair at the desk.

"It wasn't a bad idea. I just miss them," I sobbed. I wiped away the falling tears and continued to hold my head down.

"Hey, look at me, Rakton…" he ordered in a soothing voice. I shook my head. "Gia, please, look at me." That was the first time he had spoken my first name since I had arrived. I raised my head to look into his eyes. "I'll get you back home to your little girl safe. I promise."

"Thank you."

"I mean it. I don't care what it takes. You won't go home as a flag."

"Thank you," I repeated. He held up the bottle, poured us a shot, and carried one over to me. I took it willingly. "You think we're a little twisted for actually liking this job?" I asked as he poured more into my shot glass.

"I think we're both far from twisted. We know what this is doing for the long run. I can't imagine doing anything else. I don't want to be doing anything else. If my saving lives is twisted to people, then I don't know what else to say to make them think differently."

"Alright, I'm done talking about depressing shit." I wiped my face off one more time and turned the music on mp3. I had really had enough of being sad. I didn't have time to be sad and I was beginning to feel like really stupid and weepy. I hated feeling that way. He smiled and sat down across from me. "You've never told me where you're from."

"Iowa."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Cedar Rapids. What about you?"

"Peoria, Illinois."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," I answered.

"That's not too far away from Cedar Rapids."

"No, but speaking of that…" I stopped and smiled as I looked over at Adriana's picture. "They want you to come visit on leave." He smiled back at me before leaning in his chair. "They want to meet you."

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah, they are really adamant about it. And you know what I'm like when I am serious about something."

"Guess I better not let them down then, huh?"

"Guess not," I replied. We finished off the rest of the bottle of Jack and started talking about our home lives. It just seemed natural and it was nice to escape for a while. "Your dad was in the Army?"

"Yeah, he was a Major. My mom stayed at home with me. My dad was gone a lot. He was an alcoholic, so most the things I remember about him being home aren't very pleasant."

"So you moved around a lot, I take it?"

"Yeah, after I was older, when I was 13 or so. My mom and I lived with my grandparents while he toured during Afghanistan, Cambodia, and Vietnam. It was hell when he got back. He just wasn't the same person. He was angry and had a lot of nightmares. I won't ever forget his first night home. He cried almost the entire night. It was awful. The only way he could suppress the feeling was to drink the pain away. He would drink an entire bottle of scotch almost every day. My mom got tired of it, divorced him, and took me with her. I graduated and joined up immediately. I thought that by joining I would connect with my dad somehow. My mom hated me for it and stopped talking to me. She actually died a few years ago and I don't know what happened to my dad."

"I'm sorry." He shrugged and held his hands behind his head. "That sounds rough."

"Made me who I am today. I don't regret it. What about you though, Rakton? What was your life like?"

"My dad died when I was young during a car accident leaving my mom to raise me. We lived in and out of places. When I was 17 I got pregnant with my daughter. I worked and went to school until I had her and was able to graduate. After I graduated I joined the Army. I knew that college wasn't going to be an option and I couldn't see myself living the life my mother did."

"What happened to Adriana's father?"

"Hell if I know. Last I heard he was in prison for drug trafficking. He doesn't even know she exists. Adriana asked me what happened to him and I told her he died."

"No sense in bringing him into her life if he's only going to make it worse." We sat quietly for a minute, taking in our conversation. "What have you told your family about me?" he asked randomly. It almost my eyeballs bulge out of my head.

"Well, I just told my mom that you're an excellent CO and about the things we do on missions."

"What else?"

"I send her pictures of all of us…"

"And?" My cheeks flushed.

"She thinks you're a stud," I answered, covering half of my face. He laughed, causing me to smile. "I think she plans on getting married to you while you're visiting on leave. So just prepare yourself." He laughed harder.

"Being your CO and step-father? That's a hell of a way to introduce myself to people." I laughed along with him imagining Eldridge and Sanborn's faces if we told them James was my step-father, too. "Wouldn't that also make me a grandfather?"

"I think so." He doubled over in laughter as I did. It was too funny imagining what my family would be like if that was the case. "I gotta go to the bathroom." I stood up, still doubled over from laughing.

"I'm gonna grab a smoke real quick," he said pointed to his cigarettes on the desk. We both started walking in the same direction when I bumped into his backside.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry," I stumbled. James reached back to steady me and held onto my arms just inches away from him. "I'm really clumsy after I've been drinking."

"So I've noticed." I could smell him. It was a dizzying smell. If I could have bottled it up I would have. It was pure temptation. There he was. I could smell him. My body ached for a second thinking about how I really felt about him. I breathed in deeply for a minute and looked into his eyes.

"You gonna be alright?" He looked back down at me, his hands still holding onto my arms. I nodded silently and studied his face when my eyes landed on his lips. His head dropped down and he leaned in closer. I stepped forward until our bodies were touching and wrapped my hands around his neck, pulling him down even closer. I felt his arms land around my waist.


	5. Chapter 5: Sandstorm

Our lips touched, electricity shot down my spine. This was exactly what I wanted. His mouth opened slightly and his tongue touched mine. More electricity. Heat rose in body. His hands moved up my back and back down. I finally realized what I was doing. My eyes opened wide and I pulled away.

"Will…" I trailed off and looked at the ground. "I don't want to…"

"Don't want to what?"

"I'm not doing this just because I'm drunk. I'm not doing this because I'm lonely." I didn't want him to think that's why I was doing it. Of all the times to make a move and I do it when I'm drunk. So smooth.

"I'm not either, Gia." He lifted my chin up to bring my eyes back to his. "I don't know what's going to come of this, but I don't want it stop. I have wanted to do that for a long time."

"Me too," I breathed.

"I can't help it anymore." He put his hands on my desk and hunched over. "I can't stop pretending like I don't have feelings for you." He turned back around to face me and cross his arms.

"I don't want to keep pretending either." He smiled and bowed his head. I went over to him and leaned my body against his. "I'll be right back." I went into the bathroom. I wasn't kidding earlier, I really needed to use the restroom. I used it quickly and had a wild moment flow through me. I pulled my hair out of its usual bun and shook it out down around my shoulders. It was dark brown, long, reaching to the middle of my back and wavy as shit from being in a tight bun all day. I opened the door and came back out to find James sitting on my bed, boots off.

"Beautiful," he breathed. I shut the door behind me before sitting down next to him. James turned and pulled his hands through my hair. I held his face in my hands. I couldn't believe all of this was finally happening. I smiled and pulled my hands back for a second. "What's wrong?"

"Something my mom said today on the phone."

"What did she say?"

"My mom told me I couldn't fight fate when I told her I hadn't kissed you yet."

"So you have told your mom more than what you told me." A smirk played on his lips.

"Maybe," I said shrugging my shoulders. He wrestled me to the bed and laughed. He pinned me down gently. "Okay," I said with a big smile. "I might have told her how I feel about you in a letter."

"Might have?" His right eyebrow raised.

"Fine, I have." He smiled and leaned back down to kiss me. It was even better than the first one. I held him against me tightly. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want him any farther than an inch from me. My hands found their way down to the hem of his shirt and I just couldn't resist anymore. I tugged it up over his head and threw it across the room. His skin was smooth and warm. I touched every part of his chest I could. He rolled over onto his back, started pulling at my shirt and stopped.

"I don't have any condoms with me," he spoke with some guilt in his voice.

"Oh…" I trailed off and pulled my shirt down. "We can wait."

"I'm sorry," he muttered, laying back on the bed in defeat. I curled up next to him and put my head on his chest. "What are you thinking about?" he asked sweetly.

"You," I answered through a sigh.

"What about me?"

"How damn hot you are without your shirt on." I could feel and hear his laughter from his chest. "But also what it's like to kiss you. It's better than I imagined."

"Well that's always a plus."

"Yes, it is." I looked up and leaned him to kiss him again…

James left around 0200. I had slept like a rock after he left. I was glad since I was up at 0630 for patrol. The mess hall was busy as usual in the mornings. I grabbed a plate of bacon and eggs before finding some coffee. I dragged myself to our usual table to find all three of the guys already there. "Morning," Sanborn said pulling out my chair for me.

"Morning," I said groggily. I placed my butt in the chair with some amazing act of coordination, because I felt like the entire room was leaning.

"Hang over?" Eldridge asked sincerely.

"You have no idea. I think we drank our weight in Jack last night."

"We did," James added, looking over at me with a smile.

"My head is fucking killing me," I sputtered holding my hand up to my head. I pulled out my bottle of Ibuprofen and shook a couple out into my hand.

"You gonna be okay today?" Sanborn asked.

"I'll be fine. Just let me get through this coffee." I drank the entire cup and went up to get more. After my third cup I started to feel human again. "What did you and Sanborn do last night?" I asked Eldridge.

"I played Call of Duty and he played darts with a few guys from a new squad."

"New squad?"

"Yeah, they're some bad ass mother fuckers, man. They're a veteran extraction team. They knew all about us."

"Who wouldn't?" added James with a smile.

"They told us to call them the next time we have a big mission like the one the other night. Told me that they would be more than willing to help and see how Team Havoc gets things done."

"It's about 10 'til 7. We need to gear up and head out," James ordered. We all nodded and dispersed to our bunks. I made it to the garage in record time. James was standing by the Humvee when I walked in. "Are you sure you're gonna be okay today?" he asked as I threw my pack into the trunk.

"I'll be fine. I already feel better."

"Just making sure." He walked over to where I was standing and shoved his pack farther into the Humvee. "You want to come by my place tonight?" he asked peering around to make sure no one was watching or within listening distance.

"Sure," I answered with a big grin.

Patrol was a pain in the ass. We broke up a few fights in the market, disarmed a small 'smoke bomb' as James called it, and helped set up a roadblock. Back at the base, we all went to dinner together. It was chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans. I don't think I ate so much in my life. We hadn't eaten since breakfast and the rations we had in the Humvee were absolutely disgusting. I took a shower before heading over to meet James who was wearing shorts and a t-shirt when I showed up. It was so hard to go about all day pretending like nothing had happened last night, every time he got close to me, I thought I was going to lose gravity and fly off. "Well, today wasn't ridiculously painful," James spoke, sitting down on his bed.

"Not too bad," I added before laying down across his bed. He followed right behind me, laying on his side to tuck his right arm around my waist. "So how long have you wanted to kiss me?" He smiled and gave me a short peck on the check.

"It's been a while now. Probably after the first month or so." I turned on my side to face him and held a hand on his chest.

"You know what's really nice about this? Not just that I get to do what I finally want with you, but the fact that I don't have to explain to you what's going on in my head. I don't have to sit here and explain to you why I love this job. I don't have to pretend to be anyone else."

"I have that same feeling."

"It's relaxing, being with someone who gets you." I pulled myself closer to him to kiss him. We were in the middle of almost having another hot make out session until Eldridge knocked on the door.

"Hey Sergeant," Eldridge yelled pounding on the door. I scrambled for the couch and laid down, making sure everything was in order.

"Come in, Eldridge," James said looking over at me with a face filled with frustration. The door opened and Eldridge came in with Sanborn and a couple of Sergeants. I stood up immediately and put my hands behind my back. James did the same.

"Oh hey, Rakton," Eldridge said giving me a slight bow of his head. "Sir, this is Sergeant Brown and Sergeant Tyler."

"Sergeants, it's nice to meet you. Are you the new extraction team out here on base?" asked James.

"Yes, sir," answered the one Sanborn introduced as Sergeant Brown. He was tall, extremely muscular and had jet black hair. He was attractive. I wasn't paying attention to that, just making an observation. James was the only person I wanted, but I do have eyes, a sex drive, and a beating heart, so it's not like I didn't notice a hunk of man muscle like that. "It's a pleasure to meet a legend, sir." James smiled and shook his head.

"I appreciate the compliment." Sergeant Brown looked over at me and then back at James. "That's my XO, Sergeant. Her name is Gia Rakton." I nodded and walked over to James' side.

"A woman on Team Havoc?"

"Is there an issue with that, Sergeant Brown?" James looked at Brown with his brow low.

"No, we just didn't know."

"She's a hell of a soldier, guys. She killed about 5 men the other night in hand to hand combat," Sanborn said with a grin. "She's a legend in itself."

"Sounds and looks like it," Sergeant Tyler cooed while looking down my body. I shifted uncomfortably and moved slightly behind James, out of Tyler's view.

"We like to keep things clean here at this base," James quipped following Tyler's eyes. "I don't know what's went on at the bases you've been at before, but any form of intercourse is forbidden out here. So is dating of any kind." The men both nodded. "I wouldn't try to take this one on anyway. She's liable to kill a mother fucker."

"I've seen it with my own eyes," Eldridge added with a smile.

"Anyway, it was nice to meet you, but we've got some squad important things to talk about. So if you'll excuse us." He gestured towards the door and the men all stepped out. "Thank you, see you all later." He shut the door on their faces and looked at me. "I want you to have your radio on you at all times. I don't trust them."

"I can handle it."

"Not with Mr. Olympia on his side you can't. That other guy looked like he ate the Hulk for breakfast." I laughed and laid back down on his bed.

"I think we were just getting into something a few minutes ago…"

"I think so, too." He smiled and laid back down beside me. Our lips found each other's again and I found myself unable to control my hands again as they slipped down to squeeze his ass in the middle of a kiss. I pulled them back up to his back when an alarm started going off. I didn't pay any mind to it, because I knew it was the sandstorm alarm. This was perfect. I tugged his shirt off over his head and pulled my own off. I wasn't going to wait anymore. I couldn't help myself.

"You better have a fucking condom, because I don't plan on stopping," I huffed as I shoved my pants off. He fumbled in his nightstand drawer and placed on the table. "Good." I pulled his pants off quickly and climbed on top of him while pulling my hair out of it's bun. He put his hands on my hips, tracing them up to my breasts. I leaned over him and kissed him passionately, my hair falling down around our faces. Slowly, I started to move my hips over the top of him. I could feel him get hard almost immediately. It had obviously been a while. I slid my underwear off with his while he put the condom on. I could hardly wait. I climbed back on top of him, he guided me onto him, and I gasped. I hunched back down to kiss him, moving my hips in short, quick strokes. He moaned in my ear and grabbed a handful of my hair, tugging slightly. I kissed on his neck, up to his lips and bit his lower lip. "You like that?" I asked, whispering into his ear. He let out a grunt and rolled over to put me below him.

"Fuck yes," he groaned, pushing himself into me even deeper. I clawed and twisted at his sheets. He bent down and kissed me hard, thrusting even harder. I could feel myself reaching my peak. I braced myself on his shoulders and grinded my hips against his. "Gia…" he moaned, grabbing a fist full of my hair again. I pushed myself against his as hard as I could as we both released. My legs shook wildly as he tensed up completely. I watched the muscles in his arms and shoulders shudder. He gave me a long passionate kiss, combed my hair back and pulled himself out of me. He threw the condom into a trash bin a few feet away and laid down, pulling my body as close as he possibly could. If it had been any closer we would have fused together. I laid my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist. He did the same. I couldn't even bring myself to talk. I shut my eyes for a second and fell asleep wrapped by beside him. It was the best sleep I had gotten in an extremely long time.


	6. Chapter 6: Aamir Saeed

February snuck up on all of us. We were beginning to become ragged. Ragged from the same shit every day, day in and day out. It was a week until Valentine's Day. Will and I still hadn't even said I love you to each other. Not that I was worried about it, life in the desert is hard. Any one of us could disappear in the blink of an eye. It was already hard enough to deal with losing a friend, I couldn't bring myself to imagine what it would be like to watch Will die before my eyes. The love we had was there, regardless of never saying the words. I pulled my gun up onto my lap as I sat in the Humvee, looking at Will as he smoked. We had been able to keep our relationship secret for longer than I thought we were going to be able to. The Humvee came to a screeching halt, stopping the thoughts in my head as well. I instantly reverted to the soldier part of my brain. "What's going on, Sanborn?" James asked, flicking his cigarette out of the window.

"I got a bad feelin' right now, man," Sanborn answered, hands still on the steering wheel as the Humvee rattled with the engine still thumping.

"Breakfast today was pretty gross. You need to throw up?" Eldridge asked, hunching over to look at Sanborn.

"Nah, it ain't that," he replied, shaking his head. He unclipped the chin strap on his helmet and breathed in before exhaling loudly. "I feel like we shouldn't be here right now."

"Well turn around and we'll scope it out. Figure out what's made you a damn psychic all of the sudden," James joked, looking around the road before us. We hadn't even hit the city yet. We were only about 5 miles outside of base, still in the middle of the desert. Sanborn put the Humvee in reverse and backed us up a good half a mile down the road in the opposite direction of where we were headed. He turned the engine off and we filed out. Will immediately started putting his gear on.

"What the hell are you doin', James?" Sanborn asked pulling the bot of the trunk. We had never used the bot in the last six months of our operation.

"We're not using a dumb ass bot. That shit would just slow us down. We need to figure out what it is before another squad comes rolling through here. Especially if it's an IED. Nightly patrols will be coming back soon." He pulled the chest piece of the bomb suit on quickly and pulled the gloves on. "Someone going to zip me up?" I zipped him up quickly and helped him put the helmet on.

"You are fuckin' crazy. Goin' in there blind without any knowledge of the situation. What if there are multiple IED's out there?"

"That's a situation I'll deal with when I get to it, Sanborn," Will answered, anger filling his voice. "Now just cover the desert the best you can. No telling if someone is out there watching ready to blow me to Jesus." Eldridge pulled a sniper binocular set out of his pack and started scanning the empty dunes to the right of us. Sanborn did the same at a much slower speed. I took it upon myself to stand in front of the Humvee and watch Will as he walked slowly down the road. His head was down, searching the road below him. I shifted uneasily on my feet, biting down on the tip of my thumb. My heart was thumping at a hundred miles an hour as I watched him walk, fearing with each step that he was going to blow up in a large cloud of dust and fire.

"Things are looking pretty empty out here, Sergeant," Eldridge stated, looking out to glance at James.

"You wanna watch James for me, Eldridge?" I asked. I was willing to do anything as long as I didn't have to watch him walk himself to a potential death.

"Sure." Eldridge handed me his binoculars and I took his position as he replaced mine. I scanned the horizon, trying to resist the urge to watch Will.

"Got something out here," Will spoke, crouching down the best he could in the suit. I put the binoculars to my side and watched him carefully. Stress choked my throat, causing me to breathe faster. We all stood in front of the Humvee and watched him pull a chain out of the ground. There was a noise of rocks hitting metal. "Two IED's." I shifted on my feet again and gripped the binoculars tightly.

"You okay?" Sanborn asked, peering over at me.

"Yeah, just a little squeamish right now. Think food from the hall is messing with me," I answered.

"I'm telling you, that biscuits and gravy is going to kill someone," Eldridge added. I nodded and handed Eldridge his binoculars before running to the side of the road. I hunched over, my hands on my knees, feeling the combination of stress with the heat in my throat. I began to vomit. It burned my throat and mouth, causing my eyes to water. After I finished I turned to find Eldridge holding out a bottle of water and a towel. I nodded to him and squeezed some water into my mouth, not caring that a majority of it spilled down the front of my BDU's. I swished it around before spitting it out. I patted my mouth and watched as James gently placed the diffused bombs off onto the side of the road. He walked back, the shield on his helmet clipped up.

"You okay, Rakton?" Will asked.

"I'm okay. I think the heat and the combination of the food from earlier is just getting to me."

"Sanborn, call for an extraction team. We'll head back to base and let Rakton catch her bearings." Sanborn hopped into the Humvee and started using the radio. I sat on the side of the road, pulling my helmet and a majority of my gear off, holding my head in my hands. I wasn't quite sure what had made me sick. I was hoping it wasn't the thoughts from earlier, but I only had to assume it was. How in the hell was I supposed to handle the next eight months out here, with all of the constant hazards around us? I breathed in deeply and sighed loudly, trying to calm myself down. James stopped beside me as Eldridge helped unzip him and pull his gear off. He crouched down beside me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, as Eldridge shoved the bomb suit into the trunk.

"No," I answered, looking up at him. His eyebrows scrunched up. "I'll tell you later." I picked up my gear and walked back to sit in the Humvee. I sat my gear on my lap and ran a hand over my hair, trying to smooth away any flyaways. I had no idea how I was going to tell Will about my problem. I was fearing what he would have to say. I wasn't quite sure I could continue to handle watching him like that. It was a quiet ride back to the base. When we arrived I was quick to leave and make it back to my bunk. I didn't even care about shaking my gear out first. I just wanted to lay down. I pulled a picture of Adriana off of my nightstand and stared at it, just looking into her blue eyes, wishing I could just hug her and hold her in bed with me. There was a knock on my door. "Come in," I breathed, tracing a finger down along her cheek. The door opened and Will walked in. He had taken his BDU's off and was only wearing shorts and his undershirt.

"What is wrong with you, Gia?" he asked softly, sitting down beside me on the bed. He put a hand on my leg and gently squeezed. I sighed and placed the picture back on the nightstand before sitting up.

"I can't keep watching you out on the field," I spoke, avoiding his eyes for a moment. "It's too much. It really is. I am afraid every time I see you out there, Will. I can't watch you die. I won't do it." He pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheek as my eyes began to fill with tears again. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him tightly against me, my face in his shoulder.

"We both knew this was going to happen eventually. This is something we have to deal with for now." I nodded silently. I kissed his cheek and leaned against him. "It's just as hard for me to worry about you, Gia. You think I like knowing at any moment you could be killed by a sniper? It's hell. I can hardly concentrate on disarming the bomb I am working on when my brain is still focused on you." I pulled him down on the bed and cuddled up against him, just breathing him in. The smell of man: smoke, dust, sweat, and deodorant… I must have drifted off to sleep in the middle of our cuddling, because when I woke up it was dark outside and his radio was beeping from the floor. He sat up, rubbing his eyes before reaching down to grab his radio. "This is Sergeant James," he answered, holding down the call button.

"James, we need all units immediately. There's been a major bombing in the city. Please assemble Havoc at the garage and await further instruction," the voice ordered. He kissed me quickly and rushed out of the door, leaving me to get dressed in a hurry. I pulled my gear back on hurriedly. I was running to the garage while still clipping and tightening my bullet proof vest and clipping my helmet on my head. Thankfully I had left my assault rifle at the Humvee. All of the lights were on in the garage. There were around fifty people all waiting for orders. Sanborn ran up beside me as we approached James and Eldridge who were both scrambling to put gear in the Humvee. We helped the best we could as a loud noise was made on the overhead speakers. We all stopped to look up at a balcony type area where the General of our base was standing.

"There has been a very intense situation out there brewing, men. We are going to need all specialties right now. Some of you are going to be disarming, others of you scouting, patrolling, and looking for potential suspects. We already have a few ideas of some major targets: Aamir Saeed, Malik Rasul and Ferran Bashir. We will put Tyler and Brown's team, Hype, in charge of finding Saeed. James, your team, Havoc, will assist." I heard an audible sigh from somewhere around the garage. I was guessing it was Brown considering the major ass he was. The General went through the rest of the list of major jobs for each squad. "We are assuming that to get to your targets you will need to disassemble more bombs and kill just as much. We have tried to pair each of you with teams of equal strengths against how dangerous your targets are. Saeed is reported to be the most dangerous of the three. His compound is large and his team is extremely strong. We are counting on all of you to succeed like the strong and proud soldiers you are. Dismissed."

"Well, this is bullshit," a voice whistled from behind us. We all turned to find Sergeant Brown and his squad of steroid freaks. There were five of them, each bulging out of their BDU's.

"Tell me about it," James quipped back, putting his rifle in the Humvee. "You dipshits know where Saeed's compound is?"

"Yeah, can you girls keep up?" asked one of the bulky men standing beside Brown.

"Bet your asses we can," Sanborn answered, looking seriously at the man.

"Good," Brown taunted, patting the Humvee. "We'll roll on over here so you can follow us."

"Let's make it happen," James ordered climbing into the Humvee. We all followed suit and sat down in our usual places. "Gia, I want you to be on the assault team with Hype. Sanborn and Eldridge, you two are going to be my eyes as we disarm bombs inside the compound."

"What the hell?" I asked, annoyed. I was going to be of much better use helping James with any threats that he might have. Sanborn was fast, but Eldridge was extremely hesitant and it scared me knowing that. All I could imagine was Eldridge was missing one small detail and all three of them exploding.

"Rakton, watch your tone. I am your CO. You will obey my orders. If you have an issue with that we can discuss it later." His words pierced through me like a hot knife. I was getting hot under the collar. Before I could open my mouth Sanborn piped in.

"Alright, Eldridge and I aren't stupid, y'all. We know you have something going on, but right now ain't the time to start dragging that shit into this. We have a serious situation on our hands and we can deal with this later. For right now, we need to push through this and get this shit done." A horn honked and Brown waved his arm out of the window of his Humvee at us. We pulled out behind them, one of their men manning the machine gun on top of their Humvee. We all sat silently as we drove through the equally silent desert. I could only imagine what situation we were about to walk ourselves into. I gripped my rifle tightly and looked over at Will, praying I was still going to find him sitting there alive after the night was over.


	7. Chapter 7: Gauze

We pulled up about one mile down the road from the compound, covered from the other buildings around us. Will was first out of the Humvee and the first to put his gear on. Eldridge zipped him up for me considering I could hardly stand to be near him. I was so angry with him and so afraid at the same time. "Everyone ready?" he asked as Eldridge put the helmet on Will's head.

"Yes, sir," Sanborn answered Will, looking over at me as he equipped himself with extra ammo and a couple of extra handguns. Eldridge did the same. I turned to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Eldridge, I want you to be extremely cautious, okay?" I asked giving him a small shake. "Keep your eyes open."

"I've got this," he replied, looking back at me. He swallowed nervously as he clipped an extra gun on his utility belt. I rubbed my forehead and turned around to find Will standing inches away from me. I tried as hard as I could not to look into his eyes. My stubbornness and pride rushed over me. He grabbed one of my hands with his gloved one and squeezed, causing me to look at him anyway.

"Gia…" he began talking when Brown came in and interrupted everything. I held onto his hand for a second longer.

"Alright, girl, you coming?" Brown questioned, raising an eyebrow at me as he moved his rifle between his hands. I nodded solemnly, not even having the fight left in me to say something rude back.

"Keep an eye on her," Will ordered as I walked between the three of them over to Brown. Brown nodded. "I fucking mean it, Brown. Just like she is one of your own."

"Keep your fucking panties on, James. She's in the same uniform isn't she?" I stood beside Brown uneasily. I had no idea what their tactics were or how they handled things. I didn't know what their weaknesses were or any of the important stuff you need to know before you head into a battle with a group of other people. "You all will head in with me and Tyler. Rakton, you will be taking out a tactic unit that's a couple of buildings over. We have intel that a lot of his bombs and weaker units are at his actual compound. He's using the bombs to even the playing field. His beefed up unit orchestrates from the building Rakton will be heading to with my three other men. They're the best of the best." The rest of the Hype squad walked over from their Humvee and gave me a sheepish greeting. It was a bit more friendly than the one I expected. "This is Allen, Shepherd, and Bridges." He held his arm out to each of the equally large men. Allen had an enormous barrel chest compared to the other two. Bridges was my height, but made up for it in muscle. And Shepherd was of Hispanic descent by the looks of his face. I gave a nod of my head and stepped over to them. "We're going to try and keep this as quiet as possible. Let's get this done fast and stop this bullshit." Each of the men nodded in unison. "Alright, you guys, head out," Brown spoke, turning to face the four of us.

"Got you, boss," Shepherd snapped. Shepherd looked at each of us and nodded. "Let's go." I gave a small wave of my hand. I took one more second to look at Will before trudging along behind the three of them. He looked back at me, his eyes as serious as his face. It was all I could do to keep myself from shaking and breaking down. I wanted to turn around and kiss him like I never had before. My brain was buzzing through the list of things I hadn't gotten a chance to tell him yet. I breathed in deeply and quietly, trying to remind myself that I was about to have guns pointed at me and lord knows what else. I had my daughter to think about right now. I had to stay alive for her. One block away from the building, we shuffled into a single file line with Allen in front. I held onto my gun, keeping it as tight to my body as I possibly could. There were hardly any lights on and the street was almost like an alley. Allen held up his hand, causing all of us to stop. He pointed his fingers down the street and held up 3 fingers. Great. Men on the street, already. He peeked his head around, ever so slightly and turned back to look at us. He pulled his knife from his belt. We each did the same, putting our rifles over our shoulders by the strap. Before I could take a second to think, the guys were around the corner in a fury. For big men, they moved incredibly fast. Each one of them slowly dropped the guys to the ground, wiping their blades off on their victim's clothes.

They pulled their rifles back out and began to rush in, me following behind them. It was pitch black in the hallway. I feared in the back of mind that I was going to run into someone or something and give away our position. Shepherd held a hand up behind him to stop me, gently. I was grateful for that. He tapped me twice, the second tap higher than the first. Stairs. I eased my foot up, sliding it over silently before raising it, climbing the stairs carefully. I could feel my heart beat in my chest and my ears. I highly doubted that even if someone was giving us orders at that moment that I would hear them. Shepherd stopped me again and a light appeared about 5 feet in front of us, over a landing. We crept up to it, me focusing on the darkened stairs behind us, my eyes hopelessly searching for someone to pop out at any second. I stopped when I felt Shepherd stop moving and turned to watch Allen give us direction. He and Bridges nodded at each other, guns ready, before popping into the light, quickly scanning the room. I was expecting bullets to go flying and a whole horde of men to come running up the stairs, but nothing happened.

"Empty," Allen whispered, dropping his gun.

"What?" I asked in a confused tone, stepping around to look inside the room myself. It was completely empty. Only tables with loose odds and ends of ammo sat there. A few knives were scattered around the room along with a few pounds of explosives. We were expecting a full blown army in here and the first room was empty. It was highly unlikely for this type of situation with Saeed out there knowing the military was coming after him. Unless they had already geared up and were waiting at the compound…

"Let's head up to the top and see what's going on." We continued up the stairs at the end of the hallway which were now lit. Allen held his hand up again. We stopped and I heard voices loudly talking in Arabic. He held up 2 fingers and motioned for us to continue. At the top of the stairs, Allen opened fire along with Bridges. Before Shepherd and I made it up the stairs the two men were dead. We got into position anyway considering how loud their guns were. No one came running down the stairs. We all looked at each other and charged the hallway, peering into each room with our rifles as we ran by, rushing up the next set of stairs to find it completely empty. "I'm going to radio to Brown." Allen stepped into the small room filled with bunks and paced, using his large radio to call out to Brown. There was no response. I swallowed hard. What if something had happened to Will? What if Eldridge missed someone in his scanning... I unclipped my helmet for a second and tried to breathe. He wasn't dead. He couldn't be dead. I should have demanded he let me stay with them.

"We're moving back out now," I ordered, clipping my chin strap back on. Allen balked at me and raised an eyebrow. "What?" I asked, fear clutching my throat. I wanted to scream and cry all at the same time. I wanted to be safe. I wanted to know Will was safe. That's when I heard it… the explosion. More like felt it... I could feel it in my chest, even under my bullet proof vest. It rattled my insides and it left an uncomfortable taste in my mouth.

"The fuck?" Allen asked, staring around at the walls.

"She's right," Shepherd added, looking around behind him to make sure the building was still intact. "We need to check on them. If the unit isn't here, they're in there." We hustled down the stairs, Allen showing his speed and strength by skipping five steps at a time and jumping almost entire sets of steps. Outside smoke was billowing from the street we had just walked down about 20 minutes before. I thought I was going to vomit again. It was light gray, so nothing major was burning, but it was still enough to alarm us all. We filled back into a single line and jogged towards the compound. A couple of Humvees had pulled up outside of the compound, directly in front of it. Six men were rushing inside, we joined them. The compound was huge. It was almost like a palace in the middle of a lot of shitty broken down buildings. It angered me to know someone lived in such class while the people around him lived in poverty. The top floor of the north wing was on fire, it wasn't enough to be serious by being on the top floor, but it fire can still spread. We ran inside and found ourselves at a literal fork in the road. There were two main hallways. One for the north wing and one for the south.

"Rakton, you come with me. Bridges and Shepherd, you take the north wing," Allen ordered, motioning me to follow with his hand. We could hear gunshots coming from somewhere in our wing. It caused us to break out into a jog, haphazardly peering into rooms that we past. There were dead bodies in almost each room that we passed by. We ran to the end of the hallway and turned, following its direction when we came to a second split. The hallway that branched off seemed to lead into the building directly next door to the compound. Allen whistled and guided his gun down the hallway. "This shit is huge."

"Yeah, I can see that. What the hell are we gonna do?" I asked hurriedly, trying my best not to shake him. My boyfriend was out there, possibly dying and we were standing there admiring the size of the place.

"Relax, Rakton, I want to find my squad as much as you do." He tapped his chin as gunshots rang out again. "I'm betting they went this way. As least that's what it sounds like."

"So help me, Allen…" I started.

"Just trust me, fuck," he snapped, jogging down the hallway. I followed, but not with a lot of enthusiasm. We made it to the end of the hallway again and ran down a set of stairs. We found two dead bodies of insurgents. By the way they were shot I knew the wounds were from Sanborn. He always shot men in the shoulder and in the stomach. "Good sign," he stated proudly, as if he would get some recognition for choosing the right path at time like this. We walked down the stairs when I heard 3 gunshots and an audible yell. We turned the corner on the steps and found Eldridge holding his leg, screaming. There was a rush of blood coming from his thigh. I screamed his name and ran over to him, scanning the hallways with a quick flash. Allen stood beside us, monitoring the area as I sat down beside Eldridge, pulling packs from his backpack. I pulled out clotting agents and ace wraps of all kinds.

"Why the fuck did they leave you behind?" I asked in a loud whisper, my hands ripping open the agent and pouring it on the wound. Eldridge moaned loudly in pain and gripped his leg, looking at me with pain in his eyes.

"They wanted me to guard the stairs. They're somewhere in this hell hole. Last time I heard Sanborn come on the radio he said they found another set of stairs leading down and they were going down them." I nodded and tightly wrapped an entire roll of gauze around his leg along with an ace wrap. I knew he couldn't be down there much longer.

"Allen, you're gonna have to carry Eldridge back out to the medic," I ordered, rising to my feet to look at him. He dropped his rifle and smirked.

"Excuse me?" he asked looking down at Eldridge before looking at me again.

"I don't think I stuttered there, big boy. You're large enough to carry a cow. I can't carry him. I need to find my squad." Eldridge moaned again, holding his leg.

"Whatever," he sighed, putting his rifle on his shoulder before bending down to pick Eldridge up. "You just going to plow through here on your own?"

"Whatever is necessary." He laughed a little and shook his head.

"Hey, you think you can handle it… go for it." He hiked Eldridge up over his shoulder, being careful not to disturb the wound on Eldridge's thigh.

"I am more than capable of handling this situation, but thanks for the confidence, asshole," I quipped, pulling some of Eldridge's weapons and ammo off of the ground for my own use. "Just get him to a safe zone. And watch your asses." I handed Eldridge and Allen both a handgun and watched them climb the steps.

"See ya, Rakton, and good luck," Eldridge called out with a half assed salute from over Allen's shoulder. It was deathly quiet after Allen's footsteps subsided. I took a deep breath and made my way down the hallway. I had no idea where these stairs could be. I checked the rooms down the first hallway… nothing. I picked my pace up to a jog and found a few more hallways. I pushed each door open only to find more ammo, equipment, beds, storage space, I sighed. This was a mess. I found a large heavy metal door at the end of the hallway and kicked it open. I had never been so happy to see stairs before. I could hear gun shots. I ran down the steps, my rifle raised. An insurgent stood on the landing, desperately trying to reload. I shot him in the head and continued my descent. Sanborn yelled something causing me to practically jump the entire length of the last set of steps.

"It's a friendly!" I called out before stepping out into the opening.

"Gia?" called out Will.

"It's just Rakton, don't shoot." I slowly walked into the opening, my hands up. Sanborn had a small amount of blood trickling from his arm. Will was hunched over the biggest bomb I had seen in my life. His gear was completely off, the chest piece and helmet sitting a few feet away from him. Will wiped his forearm across his sweaty forehead and looked at me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked rising to his feet.

"Nice to see you, too, Will. Our building was completely empty so we headed back here to help." I took a deep breath and looked at the both of them. I was relieved to know that they were both still okay. I felt the heaviness in my chest leave, looking upon Will to find he wasn't bleeding.

"Where's Eldridge?" Sanborn asked, looking behind me.

"He's been shot in the leg. Allen carried him out to the medic." I looked at Sanborn's wound and pulled a roll of gauze out of my pack. "That feeling alright?" I asked, motioning towards it. He shrugged.

"It's okay. Kinda burns, but I should live," Sanborn replied. He still had his rifle raised, scanning each opening. Will returned to the bomb and sighed. There were pounds upon pounds of explosives wired together, he was still sorting through the tangles of wires, clipping what he could. I wrapped the gauze tightly around his wound and crouched down beside Will.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly, looking between him and the bomb. He gave a slight nod of his head and clipped another wire. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I knew that was uncalled for considering he had his hands elbow deep in a bomb that could kill us all and that Sanborn was still standing right there.

"I think I only have a few more to clip and we can get the fuck out of here," he muttered, moving his hands around a few wires again. I stepped around the other side of the bomb and raised my rifle, ready for anything to come out around the corner. There were four total door openings to the room. I had three to watch compared to Sanborn's one, but I couldn't bitch too much since he had been down there for a while watching all four alone. I heard Will clip four more wires and then clap his hands together. I turned slightly to look at him, still keeping my body turned in the direction of the openings.

"I think we're done," he stated, wiping another bead of sweat off of his brow.

"Good job, Will," I sighed, picking his chest piece up off of the ground. He smiled at me and placed some of his gear away in Sanborn's pack.

"I'm glad you're alright."

"I'm glad you both are fine," I corrected him, handing Will's helmet to Sanborn.

"Thanks for wrapping me up," Sanborn added, raising his arm up slightly.

"Don't mention it, seriously." He smirked and adjusted some of the gear around to hold onto the bomb suit helmet better. "Ready?" Sanborn asked looking over at Will. Will had his hands on hips, staring blankly at the bomb.

"Yeah," he answered, sounding out of it.

"We need to get out of here, because I am damn tired of this place," I said, sitting the chest piece down for a minute. Will nodded and smiled at me.

"Me too. I am thinking screwdrivers all night tonight, until I can't think." Sanborn laughed.

"I'm with you on that, man." We started walking up the stairs together, Will without any gear on whatsoever, only equipped with two handguns. I tried to give him my helmet, but he wouldn't take it. I was extremely frustrated and worried all over again. We still had to make it out of the compound alive and there was no telling who or what else was inside the compound. At the top of the stairs, I opened the metal door. Assuming all was fine we continued walking the hallway, with our guns halfway raised.

"I think we'll be okay," I reported as I peeked into a random room. We walked around the corner and found ourselves face to face with a group of 5 insurgents. I barely gasped when I heard the gunshots. So much for my big mouth. We retreated immediately back around the corner we had just walked from and slumped against the wall. Will slid down the wall, my eyes looking over to see what he was doing…

"Fuck," Will breathed, clutching his side. I looked down to watch blood seep out from under his hands. I could feel my heart hit the bottom of my stomach.


	8. Chapter 8: Comatose

**This fan fic only has ****only****one****more**** chapter left! :) Enjoy! I can't tell you how much I love all of you for following my stories and reviewing. It means the absolute word to me. Writing has always been a passion and love of mine. I am so happy to be back into it. I will start working on another fan fic I have in mind the minute this one is finished. :) Love you all!**

"James!" I screamed, collapsing myself on top of him. I shook my pack off on to the ground, my hands shaking as I pulled the zippers down to open my bag. Sanborn stood and shot off rounds aiming around the corner. Dust and concrete flew at us as the insurgent's bullets pounded the wall across from us.

"I'm outta ammo," Sanborn yelled, holding his hand back. I handed him rifle and threw everything I could find in my bag on the ground.

"Gia," Will whispered, his eyes squinted shit. I could feel the vomit rise in my throat. I swallowed hard and ripped a pack open, shaking it into the wound. I pushed my hands down on his side and looked up at Sanborn.

"How's it looking out there?" I asked, shaken, pushing my hands down harder on his side.

"They're dead," he whispered, looking down at Will, his eyes far away. I used one hand to brush Will's face.

"Gia," he started again and lazily put one of his hands on mine. "I'm sorry," he breathed, opening his eyes to look at me.

"You're gonna be alright, I promise." I ran my hand through his matted hair and listened as footsteps came down the hallway. A smoke canister landed feet away from us. I screamed at Sanborn and lifted the bomb suit chest piece, throwing it over Will. I pushed him to the ground and held my body close to his, holding one hand on top of him to hold the chest piece over him, picking up a handgun. A man ran up on us and started shooting. I popped off a round and felt a burning force push through my left shoulder. My first bullet wound. I cried out, shielding Will's body more with my own. My eyes ran over the shadows before me… there were at least 5. "Sanborn!" I yelled, reloading my handgun. "How many you got?"

"Can't tell," he yelled back, reaching for his handgun on his belt. I felt another bullet hit my calf which caused me to scream even louder.

"I'm taking hits," I shouted, using my left hand to apply pressure, I shot with my right hand and tried to take down as many of them as I could. I watched two fall to the ground, taking a quick glance to make sure Will was still covered in the chest piece.

"Damn!" Sandborn cussed, his gun falling to the ground in a loud clatter. I reached back to grab his gun and sit him up against Will when my eyes went black.

I breathed in deeply. It hurt. I could hear beeping and a shuffling of a few papers. When my eyes reopened… I couldn't believe how hard it was to open them. It was too bright and my eyes hurt like a bitch. I moaned and shielded my eyes with a hand, but it was hard to move it. "Hello!" said a cherry voice with a hint of an English accent. I could smell that horrible smell of cleaner and bleach and I knew I was in the medical ward or a hospital. "Can you tell me your name?" My eyes exploded open, remembering Will clutching his side. All of the pain left my body, I shrugged the sheets off and stood up, ready to run. Adrenaline made its way around my system, causing my heart to speed up, and my muscles to bulge. "Miss, you should sit back down. You aren't in any condition to be up right now. Miss?" I felt the IV jerk out of my arm as I took off into the fastest hobble manageable, feeling my skin pull in my calf as I moved my leg. "Miss!" she yelled, stumbling awkwardly after me. "I need a tranq in here, this girl's gone mad."

"Will?" I yelled, hobbling out of the room into a hallway. I grabbed onto the wall and opened the door to the room beside me. "Will!" I yelled as I opened it, only to find a black man with a bandage around his shoulders and arms. I cussed under my breath and felt a pain in my chest. I breathed in and found out how difficult even that was becoming. In horror I fell back against the wall, the pain finally washing itself over me, the adrenaline fading away. Tears swelled in my eyes. A nurse came over and gingerly patted my hand.

"Now, let's get you back into bed, girl," she comforted, pushing a needle into my arm. The liquid was cold, but it made me feel great in a matter of seconds. "That feel better?" I silently nodded my head and went back to my room, slowly laying down in bed.

"Where's Will?" I asked in a daze, looking at her as she pulled a blanket over my legs.

"I'm not quite sure who you are talking about. You were brought here alone from your base. Who is Will?" I bit down on my bottom lip and felt tears slowly pour out of my eyes. Maybe he didn't make it out. "I'm sorry," she whispered, softly patting my hand. I brought my hands to my eyes, imagining him in my mind, smiling at me as we laid in bed, his hands on holding mine… I would never have that again. My back and stomach shuddered with sadness, I could feel the pain in my stomach when it moved. I gasped and held myself. My stomach was turning into knots upon itself, making me feel even worse than what I was. "Would you like to contact your base?" I nodded and rolled onto my side, holding the sheets and blanket with a death grip over my body. "I'll be right back," she quipped, spinning on her heel. I looked over on a small table next to my bed to find a picture of Adriana with a small picture of Will that he had given me to put in my helmet. I had tucked it behind Adriana's so no one else would see. His eyes looking back at mine made me quiver with pain. I turned the picture over and sighed through another wave of tears. I couldn't find it in myself to look at him when all I could see was the blood coming from his side. I stared lazily out into the hallway as the nurse used the phone on the nurse's desk. She stared into my room at me, my eyes tunneling from the effects of the medicine. She spoke quickly and returned to me a minute after she hung the phone up.

"Well?" I asked weakly as she walked in the doorway.

"I contacted your base. They have no word on a Will." I sighed as I felt the tears fall faster. I wanted nothing more than to forget what I had just heard her say. I covered my face with my hands and felt the unbearable feeling of sadness crawl its way out of my stomach and attach itself onto my throat. I thought I was going to suffocate.

"Where the fuck am I?" I whispered, barely able to talk.

"You're on the main base hospital in friendly territory," she answered, looking over her shoulder at a few nurses standing at the desk.

"How far am I from Camp Independence?"

"About an hour or two?" she answered, her eyebrow raised. "Why?"

"I need a Humvee," I stated, picking myself up out of my bed.

"Miss," she started again, grabbing my arm to sit me back down.

"Back the fuck up," I shouted, ripping my arms away from her. "I need to see if he's dead. If he's dead, I need to see it. Do you catch my fucking drift?" I felt my throat burn as the words scraped out. She held her hands up in a defensive position and backed away slowly towards the door.

"You know they aren't going to let you leave in your position."

"Let them fucking try," I whispered, pulling a pair of dark blue sweatpants off of the chair. I untied the hospital gown and threw into a corner, replacing it with a white t-shirt. "Get me a fucking Humvee. I am not going to repeat myself," I spat, picking up the pictures off the table. She quickly left the room and a man in a uniform replaced her. Major Garmin. I only knew this from reading his badges.

"Where you planning on going, soldier?" the Major asked, sitting down in a chair by the door. I folded my arms and shifted my weight, looking over at him.

"Back to Independence," I answered, staring into his eyes. He was extremely tall and could fill the entire doorway. His hair was brown, his eyes bright blue, a small graying goatee sitting around his mouth. He was at least in his forties. He nodded and rubbed a thumb across his combat boot.

"You think that's a smart move in your state?" I sighed loudly and dropped my arms.

"Sir, I need to see that my men are okay." He sighed at equal loudness before looking down at my leg and then at my shoulder.

"You won't quit. Will you?" he asked. I squinted my eyes at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Forgive me for being confused, but what the fuck are you talking about, sir?"

"You almost died once on your way over here. The bullet in your leg caused you to lose a lot of blood. You were in a coma for a few weeks. None of us knew when you were going to wake up, Rakton. You took a pretty nasty blow to the head. That helmet you wear saved your fucking life. When Brown and I cleared out the men shooting you up, all three of you were in horrible shape. James had lost a majority of his blood. He was barely alive when the medic showed up."

"Is James alive, sir?" I asked calmly, doing my best to stand still.

"I honestly cannot answer that, Rakton. He was transported here than off to Germany. Once he's there it's incredibly hard to keep up and maintain communication." I shook my head and bit my lip, turning my face away from his. "Eldridge was discharged and sent home. Poor man had a shattered femur. They don't even think he'll walk again."

"What about Sanborn?"

"Sanborn had a blunt trauma to his head as well, he's still in a coma as of right now. He's right down the hall if you want to go see him." I solemnly nodded my head and stared at the floor. James was missing in the system that was the military, Eldridge was safe at home, and Sanborn was rotting away like I was in a comatose state. I didn't remember jack shit of the last three weeks. It was as if I had been put on pause and started right up from where I left off. We walked the length of a hallway and came to a stop outside of a room blaring with intense bright lights like mine. The name plate read J.T. Sanborn, Havoc. I lightly touched his name and walked into the room as the Major stood outside in the hallway. Inside the room it looked like something out of a horror film. He had tubes leading into his mouth, tubes leading out of his wrists, gauze wrapped around his head, and gauze around his arms.

"How long has he been out?" I asked in a whisper, touching his leg.

"About the same amount of time you have." I swallowed the tears that were ready to fall and sat down in the chair next to his bed. "I can get you onto the next transporter heading out to the German base if you want," he spoke quietly stepping into the room behind me. He placed his hand on my shoulder and gave me a light squeeze. "I know there is a lot more than the bond of war going on between you and James. I am not upset. I'm not here to judge. I just know that not every XO carries a picture of her CO in her helmet, because she thinks a 'brilliant leader'."

"I would appreciate it, sir."

"It's somewhat of a blessing this happened, because I highly doubt any one of you is going to be war material after this. Maybe you all can take on a normal life after discharge, settle down, pop out some kids, live that kind of life that most girls your age want."

A few days later the transport arrived to shuttle some people back and forth from the hospital. It was a small, black carrier airplane. Inside were supplies, injured soldiers being sent off for major surgeries, and some medical personnel. They placed me in a seat near the cockpit right next to a window. I was anxious to find Will. After Major Garmin's talk I was finally able to bring myself to look at his picture. I pulled it out of my pocket again sitting on the plane and laid it on my lap, looking down at it every once in a while. That small smirk on his lips just made me smile, knowing I was hours from seeing him again.

When we landed, I didn't have any intentions of doing anything but finding his room. I had never been to Germany before, but in that moment, that wasn't even remotely important. I walked across the tarmac quickly, tucking my hands into the dark blue jacket I was wearing. There was a small amount of rain pouring and the sky was covered in light gray clouds. The hospital stuck out like a sore thumb. It had a bright red cross on the side of the building and it was all of four stories tall. Inside, there was a quickness in the air. You didn't feel right if you weren't moving. That might have also had something to do with the large amount of people moving around the hallways. I made my way to the nurse's station and tried to grab the attention of one of the nurses. "Excuse me?" I spoke, holding a hand up as a blonde nurse sat down in the chair in front of me. Her eyes met mine and she smiled.

"Can I help you?" she asked with a slight German accent.

"I'm looking for a soldier." She sort of chuckled and pointed behind me.

"Take your pick," she joked. My brow dropped. I was dead damn serious and here she was playing jokes.

"An injured solider," I corrected with a lot of emphasis.

"Name?" she asked, pretending as if she hadn't spoken to me just a moment ago. She stared at the computer screen and looked up at me for a second.

"James, William from Havoc." She squinted at the computer and clicked a few things, snapping her fingers at the nurse behind her.

"Give us a second," she spoke, holding a finger up to me. The nurse she had tried to get the attention of turned around, and looked at the screen. They muttered something to each other in German and it was making me impatient as fuck. Talk about rude, talking in another language in front of someone you can clearly tell is stressed.

"The fuck is going on?" I asked, tapping my foot against the ground, leaning over the desk slightly.

"Your friend, he was discharged and sent home a couple of days ago," she answered, looking up at me with a slight smile. "He is in excellent condition, but his wounds will take quite a while to heal." I smiled a huge smile that I couldn't contain. I wanted to cry at the same time after all of the pain I had just gone through. I thought I lost him. I thought he was gone forever. My mind tried to replay the vision of him grasping his side, but instead, memories of him smiling at me, running, jumping, and being himself flooded my thoughts.

"Can I get you anything else?"

"When is the next flight back to America?" I asked with a wider smile, rubbing the pictures inside of my pocket.


	9. Chapter 9: Peoria

**This is it! :) It's not as long as the rest of my chapters, but… there's not much more to it. I will start working on "Lucky Charm" this weekend or next week. I had a busy week last week and had to make a video project for a class (lovely, right?). And I am off all next week, so expect a bunch of updates on that story. Once "Lucky Charm" is finished I will start work on a new story. I haven't decided what it's going to be about yet, but that changes quickly. Thank you SO MUCH for your support. I appreciate it! A lot! :) & here you go…**

**(I didn't read through this, I wanted to post it ASAP, so forgive me for any errors)**

The next few days were filled with a lot of waiting around. I had managed to somehow get ahold of my mother and Adriana. Who were both extremely worried. Major Garmin had called them shortly after my accident to let them know what had happened and I guess things had been crazy since then. They were both concerned and confused about the situation with Will, as I was. My mom insisted she was going to figure out where he was one way or another. I knew that wasn't feasible, but I let it be.

"I'm going to find him," she stated, I shook my head and looked out around the crowded hallway, just as busy as the day I came there. "I'm serious, Gia. He's out there, alone, probably worried sick about you." I didn't want to be full of myself, but I knew he was out there, just as worried as I was.

"I just hope he's alright."

"I'm sure he is. I am going to make a list of places to call. You go rest up and take care of yourself. When does your plane leave?"

"Two days from now. I should be landing in Fort Knox in two days, then Major Garmin bought me a ticket from Jacksonville to Peoria. I think he said it lands at 5 in the afternoon on Saturday."

"We'll be there. I can't wait to see you. I have missed you something fierce, Gia."

"I know, mom."

"What are they going to do with Sanborn?" she asked, as I play with the cord on the payphone. I still didn't know the answer to that.

"I think they are leaving him here until he wakes up. Best thing for him." Judging her silence I knew she wasn't pleased, but it's not like I had a say in the matter. "I'm going to have to let you go though, there's a long line waiting for the phones and I need to find more pain medication." I could start to feel my shoulder ache from holding the phone for so long. Wincing I held the phone with my other hand and listened to her say her goodbyes.

"I love you and we'll see you soon."

Friday couldn't have come fast enough. I had my duffel bag completely packed, my BDU's on with combat boots, all ready to go... I held onto the picture of Will tightly in my hand and boarded the plane amongst the other men. There were about twenty of us, some still able to walk with bandages like mine, others on crutches, and a few in wheelchairs. The plane ride was long. We were fed rations, because we were still on a military plane, and given bottles of water. I caught myself staring at his picture on more than one occasion when the guy next to me spoke up. "That your boyfriend?" the guy asked, peering down at the picture.

"Something like that," I answered with a slight smile. He nodded and pulled a picture out of his pocket. A blonde woman with a smaller, equally blonde girl smiled back at me, hugging each other.

"My wife and daughter. I haven't seen or heard from them since I left."

"How long have you been gone?" I asked, looking at the cast around his left arm. I noticed his entire right leg was completely wrapped in gauze.

"A year and a half. Was supposed to be gone two. Damn mortar crashed into a gas tank next to my bunker. Almost fried my entire leg off." I stopped myself from wincing and looked into his eyes. He seemed almost dead. Odds of being hurt only increased on multiple trips back. I could be one of those guys on my next deployment. I swallowed hard and peered to look out of the window beside him. There was nothing, but ocean and it seemed to go on forever. "You look alright. What are you going back for?" I could hear the envy in his voice. I ignored it out of politeness.

"Got a bullet wound in my shoulder and calf. Not exactly war material right now." He nodded and pushed the picture back down into his pocket.

"I know what you mean by that," he breathed, adjusted himself in his chair. I sat the rest of the flight thinking about my future. I knew that by returning, my chances of being injured again would dramatically increase. Could I risk that? I smoothed a hand over my hair and took a second to look around at all of the men amongst us. Each one was just worse as the last. I couldn't even imagine the look on Adriana's face if I was to roll out in a wheelchair, paralyzed for life. Tightness pulled at my chest. I knew I was going to have to stop this. As good as the pay was and as wonderful as the job was… I needed to stop for my daughter's sake. I pulled out the picture of Adriana and rubbed it. I needed to be there to see her grow up, watch her graduate, get married… I smiled silently to myself and felt myself drift off to sleep.

The plane landed with a jerk, causing me to wake up in a panic. My heart beating fast, my breathing just as fast. "We've landed in Jacksonville," a voice said over the intercom. "Welcome back to America, soldiers." I rubbed my face and sighed, trying to slow my breathing as we taxied to a small platform. There was a crowd of people waiting around it. I knew they were family of the soldiers on board and media trying to exploit the next group of injured soldiers. I pulled my duffel bag up from under my seat and helped the man next to me stand up. He gave me a stern nod and stepped out while I picked his bag up from under his chair. He tried to shuffle his weight around on his crutch so he could hold the bag when I shook my head.

"I got this, you just show me where your family is," I stated, grasping his duffel bag and mine in my right hand.

"Thanks, Sergeant." I nodded and walked carefully behind him, trying to be mindful of his crutch. Outside, the air had a noticeable difference. There wasn't a dryness that felt like it was going to suffocate you and the sun didn't seem like it was going to blind the fuck out of you. The man stopped walking in front of me when I saw a blonde girl wrap herself around his left leg. I smiled and felt my eyes tear up at the thought of being able to hold Adriana in my arms again. I dropped the bag down next to his leg and patted the man's shoulder before dodging my way through the crowd. There was nothing for me there, I still had more traveling to do. I flagged down a taxi out in front of the base and made my way to the civilian airport.

Inside, I got more strange looks than I knew what to do deal with. Some people nodded in my direction, others looked at me in disgust. A few people took a moment to stop me and shake my hand, thanking me for my service. I hadn't been that conflicted in a while. It had been a long time since I had been in public with my BDU's on. I did my best to ignore it and keep my composure, considering a lot of people have no idea what war is like. Before going to my terminal, I stopped and ate actual food in an actual restaurant. I had never been so grateful for a cheeseburger in my life. I ate slowly, watching the television set up in the area, playing clips from what had happened earlier in the week. Not one thing had been mentioned about the war. I wasn't shocked. I dropped my duffel bag and sat at one of the waiting areas close to my terminal and waited.

The plane ride to Peoria was the longest two hours of my life. I wanted nothing more than to be in the company of my family again. I didn't try to make small talk with the people around me. Not because I was trying to be rude, but because my mind was focused. I kept imagining what I was going to see, how hard I was going to hug them both… I was already on the verge of tears just thinking about it. As the plane landed, I could feel my stomach turn into knots upon itself. When the seatbelt light went off I felt my body jolt upright right at the tone of the light blinking off. I tried to compose myself, but it was impossible. Walking down the gate, I glimpsed around people, trying to see if I could spot my mom or Adriana. When I made it out of the terminal, I felt my breathing stop when my eyes landed upon a sight I hadn't expected to see. Will stood, holding Adriana in his right arm, smiling with those bright blue eyes. I began to cry almost immediately. My throat began to burn in pain as I stood looking at the three of them, I placed my hands over my face and pulled them away, expecting him to disappear. "Mommy!" Adriana yelled, squirming out of Will's arms. She ran over and squeezed my legs in a death grip. I laughed and picked her up, completely unaware of the potential pain my shoulder. I held her against me tightly, squeezing her as I kissed her cheek. I closed my eyes and smiled. It was better than I could have even imagined. I felt arms wrap themselves around the both of us and a kiss on my cheek. That familiar gesture made me smile even more. I unwrapped an arm around from Adriana and pulled Will in closer, leaning my head against his shoulder.

"I thought I was never going to see you again," I breathed between a sob, looking up at him. He kissed my forehead and took Adriana from me.

"Someone kept me alive," he smiled, placing Adriana on the ground. I wrapped myself around him and held onto him as tightly as I had Adriana.

"I love you, Will," I whispered, breathing in his familiar scent.

"I love you, Gia," he responded, pulling back. I looked up into his eyes and kissed him, feeling my stomach drop through the floor. Adriana pulled on my pants, causing me to pick her up again. She kissed my cheek and smiled at Will.

"You're done now, right, Mommy?" she asked, playing with the badge on my shirt.

"Yes, baby," I answered, kissing her cheek.


End file.
